Time For Some Changes

I'm finding myself slowly lifting out of this depression fog, slowly. I've had a few days of reflection, cried many tears and have made some difficult decisions. I already had plans on taking the next cycle off of Clomid, but after this funk, I have also decided to take a break, from everything. Temping, charting, anything revolving around trying to conceive, I am DONE! Not done completely, like I'm giving up my quest, because that desire to have another will never go away for me. I just need a break for my mental, emotional and physical stability. I have been at this now for almost 3 years and I NEED a break. I NEED to find ME again. I have restricted and limited myself for so long now and I need to change this. So, I started last night by having my first beer in almost a year! It tasted great too. I refuse to restrict myself from anything anymore, because it seems that in doing this I am also restricting and limiting my happiness. Yes, having a beer every once in a while feels liberating for me. I'm done limiting my foods, it's not like it made a difference on my cycles anyways. Pastas, rices, breads, milk, sugars, etc here I come! Although restricting these foods has actually made it to where I don't enjoy them anymore. I can taste the starches in pasta now and it tastes revolting to me. Sugars jack with my blood sugar levels and I get those lovely sugar crashes. Milk tastes awful to me now and I have never really been a fan of bread. I guess my diet won't be changing much. I plan on putting away my thermometer and not charting anything, only for one cycle. This will be my first cycle in about 3 years that I will be doing nothing. It's unsettling to me, but I feel for my well-being it needs to be done. My husband and I are planning a getaway, just the two of us. I won a romantic getaway off of our local radio station and it is beyond time for US to spend some quality time together. We're looking to do this in the next week or so as soon as our schedules can accommodate it. I plan on getting back into working out at least every other day. I have so much tension built up inside of me that I have knots in my shoulder muscles and I am getting daily tension headaches again. It is past time for some changes.