Clomid Cycle #3=Bust

*Sigh. I'm not feeling this today and don't even want to update my blog but I'm hoping it will help to get these feelings out. Remember my post of the stages of grief and how one thing can send one back into the depressive state? Well, guess where I'm back at. If you said depressed and angry, with a lot of bitterness and resentment then you have hit the nail on the head. At this point it doesn't feel like anybody can say anything right to me, because it all hurts.

Why am I feeling this way? Well because I am 98.999999% sure Clomid cycle #3 is a bust. Everything seemed to be going really well, just as it should. I got a little worried when 10 days past my last dose of Clomid I still had not ovulated. Then 11 days passed, and 12 and finally on 13 days passed my last dose, I got my temp rise that would indicate ovulation has taken place. I then got worried because we had not got enough action in to cover our bases. Once that was taken care of I felt more confident and comfortable with ovulation taking place because we had done all we could do. The rest was out of our hands. The next day another rise, and the same after that. I finally got my egg on my chart and got all excited and relieved that Clomid had worked again for me. The next day my hopes would be crushed. My temp went down a bit instead of going up. That is when I started doubting that I had ovulated at all. I gave my body the benefit of the doubt and started Natural Progesterone Cream to help boost my progesterone levels. The following days instead of my temps going up, they slowly took the downward plunge. 

I am supposedly 6 days past ovulation today even though my temps are back down to my typical pre-ovulation range. I woke up at 2:30am today so my temp doesn't count. Of course that always happens on days that I need the most accurate temp to help to decide what to do next. In my head I have not doubt that I didn't ovulate. Instead I have had what I call a "Fake Out" ovulation. Let me tell you it was probably one of the most awful ones I have had so far. So now all I can do is wait a few more days to see what my temps do next, then decide what to do next. I refilled and picked up my Provera script yesterday so I have it ready to go. If temps do not show ovulation in the next few days I will start the Provera to induce a period. I have already decided to take next cycle off of Clomid to give my body a rest. Other then that I have no game plan. I already feel lost and hopeless knowing that.

I've already had a few good cries since my realization of my fake out ovulation. Yes, I cry....alone. Then I wipe my tears, put on my game face and face the rest of the world.