The Time Has Come to Clear the Air

Many have recently heard of me ridding any and all baby items from my house. If you haven't, well I am. Technically, according to my husband, I was supposed to have been ridding everything baby from the house for 2 years now. Well, hubby wants the baby items gone, I am hanging onto them for that slim chance that I will get pregnant again and have a use for them. The time has come for us to do a huge Spring clean on our house and we have a dump pile growing each day to be taken to the landfill. All of the baby items made it in there. Why? Because they have been taking up space for 5 years! So hubby said that if they are not gone by Wednesday they're going to the dump. 

Gotta love Facebook and the wide spread of people it can reach. Within 10 minutes I had my first lot sold. Posted a 2nd lot of items, my whole stash of cloth diapers being in that lot. Now, I started buying these cloth diapers so I would be prepared for our next child, I could do the eco-friendly diapering with this one from birth to potty training, etc. So these were like gold to me, I would not even let anyone think about buying these from me. The mere thought would send me into an emotional state. I posted those cloth diapers without ANY emotion. That is how I knew I was making the right choice.

That is how I know I AM making the right choice. I have decided that I am ending my journey. Why now? Because next month (in two weeks exactly) I am supposed to be doing one more round of Femara, my final round, THE LAST round before doctors decide that my journey has come to an end. I want to be the one ending my journey for myself, not doctors, not meds, but ME. This is my journey after all. 

I am content with this decision. Extremely content. Anybody who knows me or my journey knows this has been one hell of a roller coaster ride, but more importantly, one hell of a journey learning so much about myself. I do not feel like I have any regrets about my journey or my decision to end it. I have tried  all there is to try, natural and fertility med wise, including both Eastern & Western remedies. I have had the lovely experience of Ovarian HyperStimulation Syndrome (OHSS), cysts rupturing, Metformin that left me sick for a full year, and more meds/supplements than anyone my age should be taking. I have also had the lovely experience of meeting some fantastic doctors, some shitty doctors and even more shitty doctors. I have met some wonderful ladies that have provided me with the best support, hugs and virtual shoulders to cry on. I have learned A LOT about my body, my conditions, and what to expect down the road with them all.

I am fine. No, this time I do not have to keep reminding myself of this. I REALLY am fine with this decision. I am ready to move on with my life. For the last 4.5 years (yes, it really has been THAT long this time) I feel like I have been in a pit of quick sand. No matter what I do, I feel like I am sinking deeper and deeper, yet the more I fight and struggle to free myself, the deeper I sink and still end up going nowhere. I'm still stuck in that pit of quick sand and I want out. I'm getting out!

I have goals already set for myself, ones that would require me to NOT be pregnant and I am looking forward to achieving those goals. See You're Doing What? post if you need filled in on what I am doing. A short little summary, I am competing in a Bikini and Physique Competition. (think body building meets sexy curvy bodies, and you compete!) I also have been working with a photographer taking risque outdoor nude/semi-nude boudoir'ish type of pics. Again another goal that would be ideal to do not feeling big and pregnant. (although I would LOVE to take pics of this nature hugely pregnant but for this goal at this time, a curvy NON-Pregnant body is ideal!)

My heart does not hurt right now and not one tear has been shed. I think the time has finally come that I can honestly say, I am done, and mean it.

*Now for all of those that still have Hope or think that me ending my journey now is the missing link that will jinx us, let me put this out there. My body DID just spontaneously ovulate on its own, so there IS that possibility right now. That being said, it will be no heartbreak for me if the mean old witch shows in a couple weeks. NONE!*

Bikini Transformation Update

It has been two months since I set a goal of by June of next year I will have competed in a Bikini & Physique Competition. I have been incorporating various forms of exercises to keep from getting bored. (and what I can fit into my schedule) Yoga, walking ~3.5 miles 3 times a week, Brazilian Butt Lift, Insanity Workout, 30 Day Shred, and Bowflex. I get bored easily. :) I am now up to working out 5 times a week. Posting my measurements so I can see where I am progressing. Here is a reminder of what my starting measurements were.

Measurements for 6/2/2012:

• Starting weight- 127.2 lbs.
• Neck- 12 1/2"
• Left Bicep-10 1/2"
• Right Bicep- 11"
• Bust- 35"
• Chest- 30"
• Waist- 29 3/4"
• Hips- 36"
• Left Thigh- 20 1/2"
• Right Thigh- 20 1/2"
• Left Calf- 12 1/2"
• Right Calf- 12 1/2"

And now measurements for 8/9/12:

      ~ Weight- 127.1 (stayed the same, but had some yo-yo weight loss/gain)
      ~ Neck- 12 1/2" (stayed the same)

      ~ Left Bicep-11" (+1/2")
      ~ Right Bicep- 11" (stayed the same, definitely can see more muscle definition)

      ~ Bust- 34 1/2" (-1/2") :(
      ~ Chest- 30 1/2" (+1/2")

      ~ Waist- 29 3/4" (stayed the same)
      ~ Hips- 35 1/2" (-1/2") 

      ~ Left Thigh- 20 1/2" (stayed the same)
      ~ Right Thigh- 20 1/2" (stayed the same)
      ~ Left Calf- 12 3/4" (+1/4")

      ~ Right Calf- 12 3/4" (+1/4")

Overall, feeling very fit, still drinking my one mocha a day, eating right, but need to work on getting more water throughout the day.

FertiliTea, FertilAid, FertileCM and Fertility Yoga Review & Giveaway

Good night, that is a mouth full! Yes, I am reviewing 4 different products which means that the great people over at Fairhaven Health will be giving one lucky winner a pretty cool prize package of everything I am reviewing for you today. So let me get straight to it because I have a lot to say about each product.

I was sent a package that was tailored to my fertility needs and contained FertiliTea, FertilAid, FertileCM and Bend, Breathe, Conceive Fertility Yoga dvd. Most already know, but if you don't, I have PCOS and I don't ovulate on my own.  

FertiliTea "a herbal fertility tea designed to support the entire reproductive system and help increase your chances of conceiving. FertiliTea™ brings together scientifically-validated herbal ingredients (including Vitex) to help restore female balance and promote reproductive wellness."

My opinion of it is mixed. I liked the flavor when I didn't over steep it. It does contain Nettle which if you have never had the experience of tasting Nettle before, don't. I have a blog post in regards to when I tried Nettle and if I recall correctly my description of it was "it tasted like dirt, feet and ass all mixed." So word of advice, don't over steep this tea, the flavor will be in your mouth forever and one you will never forget. Otherwise, the tea tasted great and was easy to drink without needing sweetened and could be enjoyed cold or hot. I learned to make a quart sized mason jar and that was my allotted tea for the day. Pretty easy once I got past how to use loose leaf tea and get all of its scragglers out of my tea.

Now the downside of FertiliTea. I had to stop the FertiliTea as it was making me spot/bleed throughout my cycle when I shouldn't have been. I did have to play some detective work to narrow down what was causing it and without a doubt, it was the tea. Once I stopped the tea, the spotting stopped as well. The site does say that most women experience spotting while their hormones are adjusting but after all the years of trying to fix my body I could tell this was more then an adjustment period.

Moving onto FertilAid for Women. "FertilAid for Women is the doctor-approved and ObGyn-recommended supplement designed to increase fertility and improve reproductive health. With an all natural, non-prescription formula that brings together scientifically-validated herbal ingredients and essential vitamins, FertilAid promotes female hormonal balance and reproductive wellness, supporting fertility and optimizing your chances to conceive.

Created by ObGyn and leading fertility expert, Amos Grunebaum, MD, FertilAid for Women combines fertility-enhancing nutrients with a “Just Right” formula of folic acid, essential vitamins and minerals, and key antioxidants. This comprehensive formula makes it the only fertility supplement offering total preconception vitamin support - optimized for trying-to-conceive women.

FertilAid for Women was formulated on the basis of established scientific literature to help optimize fertility safely and naturally as part of a healthy diet and lifestyle. With a proprietary herbal formula that includes chasteberry (vitex), red clover blossom, siberian ginseng, and gingko biloba, FertilAid helps restore hormonal balance while supporting overall reproductive wellness.
FertilAid has no negative side effects and has no impact on multiple births."

I didn't find this product to be too bad and I had some pretty positive results. The directions state to take 3 capsules daily so I take them all in the morning after breakfast with 16 ounces of water. The results I had was amazing. Like I mentioned after stopping the FertiliTea, my spotting went away. 2 days after the spotting ended, I started gearing up to ovulate and successfully did so! Whoop-dee-do for some, but for me who needs fertility meds to make ovulation happen, this is huge!!! Now I can only imagine it was the FertilAid and its ingredients that helped to me to ovulate as my last ovulation was in January on my last medicated cycle. Now the mean old witch did show a day or two later then norm and no pregnancy resulted from this cycle but ovulation did and that is one step closer to my goal. I am continuing with it again this cycle to see if I ovulate again.

FertileCM for Women "is a balanced dietary supplement to promote the healthy production of fertile cervical mucus – the bodily fluid central to fertility and conception. The ingredients in FertileCM have also been shown to support female arousal and sexual sensitivity and strengthen the uterine lining, both of which can increase chances for successful conception."

Now I can't say anything about extra sexual arousal as stress, life, my children, work, everything kind of played a part in putting out that fire for a while, but I can say it helped tremendously with CM. I have to say it was very comparable to my first Clomid cycle, which Clomid had the opposite side effect on me that it claims, decreased CM. I did have a hard time though with the timing of the 3 capsules you are supposed to spread out throughout your day. I was constantly forgetting a lunch time dose, or morning one when things got hectic. So I decided since I was already taking the FertilAid in the morning, I took all 3 of my capsules of FertileCM with it as well. I'm not sure if my results would have been any different, but I had great ones to begin with, so I'm not complaining or changing a thing.

Whew, almost done, hang in there I swear a giveaway is coming up soon. Bend, Breath, Conceive Fertility Yoga. "Bend, Breathe & Conceive is a yoga practice specifically created to help couples conceive. Anna Davis, PhD, RYT, scientist and yoga instructor, guides you through a series of physical poses, yogic breathing techniques, visualizations and meditation practices designed to integrate mind, body and spirit to cultivate balance. This connection acts as an antidote to stress and promotes fertility and optimal reproductive health."

Let me start by saying I love Yoga, Pilates, meditating, and essentially any form of relaxation. This one seems to combine a little bit of all. Something I did enjoy was the information in the beginning of the dvd on how stress affects hormones, like the scientific of it all, and how breathing exercises and yoga play a part in helping hormones balance. (I am all about the WHY/HOW the body works so this was right up my alley) Overall this yoga routine seemed very familiar to me but was enjoyable. It did incorporate basic yoga moves, downward facing dog, child's pose, warrior poses, etc but did have some lying, breathing, relaxation moments as well. I did find it to be a bit long, (an hour) as finding an hour of quiet time to relax and quiet the mind was proving to be challenging.

Finally, what you have been waiting for. If you made it this far, congrats, here's your chance to win this lovely package.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Share The Blog Love Giveaway

When I started my blog not so long ago I had no idea what blogging really was. I had always thought that it was just a way of keeping an online journal that other people might want to read and ways for me to share the knowledge I had gained during my journey. It didn't take me long to realize that blogging was so much more than that.

I learned that bloggers were just people, like me, that were okay with putting it all out there. They were willing to open up their heart, life and uterus to anyone who might benefit from hearing their story. In the last several years I have made friends with so many ladies whose paths thankfully crossed mine. Blogging has introduced me to a community of women that have enabled me to learn so much about myself and fertility options. I have learned from them, cried with them, and appreciated each and every virtual hug they have given me and I have been able to offer. 

This giveaway isn't as much about the money for us. It is about a really neat way to thank you for finding us, supporting us, and helping us realize that no matter what our road to having our dream family looks like, that we aren't alone.

To help us find each other in this big TTC blogosphere, Maria @ Life, Loss, and Other Things Worth Mentioning has coordinated this fun and easy way of connecting with others who are familiar with the sometimes difficult, but always rewarding journey to a family.  Finding your support means so much to us that we wanted to say thank you by offering this easy to enter gift card giveaway co-sponsored by ttccommunity.


a Rafflecopter giveaway

Coming Soon

Busy, busy thus is my life so why not add one more fun event? Coming soon....another giveaway! This time I am joining forces with a couple other blogging ladies to give you an even bigger giveaway! $$$ Be on the look out for the Share The Blog Love giveaway!

Day 1 of the Bikini Transformation Goals/Stats

Step 2 of achieving a goal, setting the goals. I took the time yesterday to write down my goals, both short and long term and posted it where I would see it daily.

Long Term Goal: 

• Enter & Compete in a Bikini & Physique Competition by June 2013

Short Term Goals:

• Eliminate Coffee
• Incorporate 1 gallon of Water a day
• Build a doable work out regimen
• Eat 5 healthy, well balanced meals a day

The next part in helping myself to achieve my goal is to get my starting measurements. That way I can see my progress and what areas I need to work on more. (pictures will be another day, after I build up enough confidence to post my Before pictures.)

Measurements for 6/2/2012:

• Starting weight- 127.2 lbs.
• Neck- 12 1/2"
• Left Bicep-10 1/2"
• Right Bicep- 11"
• Bust- 35"
• Chest- 30"
• Waist- 29 3/4"
• Hips- 36"
• Left Thigh- 20 1/2"
• Right Thigh- 20 1/2"
• Left Calf- 12 1/2"
• Right Calf- 12 1/2"

Progress:

I had my one mocha in the morning and when I was done, I immediately started drinking my water. Yesterday's water intake was 72 ounces so I definitely need to work on increasing that. Food intake is going to be the tough one for me. Normally I have my morning mocha, then fast until dinner time. Now for someone who already has blood sugar issues, this routine is probably one of the worst things that one can do to themselves! I can feel when the sugars from the mocha wear off, as my mood gets crabby, my head feels foggy, and I get weak and tired. I started off the day yesterday eating 3 eggs with salsa. An hour later I was starving again! Ate some left over taco salad with loads of water. Again one hour later I was starving. This pattern happened all day long! Why is it I can "starve" myself and not feel this way, yet the first day I attempt to eat right, I can't get enough food?

Bowflex Work out:

• Leg Extensions 90# 3 sets of 10
• Leg Curls 80# 4 sets of 10
• Bicep Curls 30# 3 sets of 10
• Seated Row 30# 3 sets of 10
• Tricep Extension 30# 3 sets of 10
• Superman 30# 2 sets of 30

You're Doing What!?!??!

Things seem to be fairly stagnant for my body right now, although it made a small attempt at gearing up to ovulate the other day, just enough of an effort to get my hopes up. Of course, that reality came crashing down real fast. Whatever, it is what it is. My mind has far more important things to think about then another failed attempt at ovulating.

What, you may ask? Well, call it a mid life crisis or another item on my bucket list that needs scratched off, but I have decided to compete in a Bikini & Physique Competition. (think sexy body building competition where the goal is still look feminine but in great shape.) It is something that I have always wanted to do, even back when I was 14. I have always been into health & fitness! My first job I worked at an exercise equipment store with my Dad and went to many body building competitions. I fell in love with it then. The thing that got me motivated was watching a little petite gal, no taller then me win the competition. Now, let me put this disclaimer out there before anybody else has the same reaction that my husband did. I DO NOT want to beef up, bulk out or in any way shape or form, look like a dude! I want to tone what I have, which is already VERY tone, and show it off. As I told my husband, I want to still look like a princess in a dress, but one that nobody will want to mess with! Something has recently flipped in my body and instead of struggling to LOSE weight, at this time I am struggling to KEEP it on! I had a similar experience prior to getting pregnant with Emma, my doctor at the time claimed I was burning more then what I was consuming. Which very well could be what is going on, with the way I have been go-go-going these days.  Why not run with it while my body is cooperating? So, first step in completing a goal is setting your goal and getting it out there. My goal is........by this time next year I will have competed in my first (maybe last?) Bikini and Physique Competition!