Just let me be sad for a moment

Another cycle down, another failed attempt at getting pregnant. I'm actually surprised that I ovulated at all this cycle and if it wasn't for the Royal Jelly supplementation midway through my cycle, I probably wouldn't have. My temps were extremely slow to rise this time so it wasn't until I was already 8 days past ovulation that my chart looked like I had ovulated. Pretty sweet when you want that two week wait to fly by. Except now it has led me to a whole bunch of feelings. Feelings of, I don't want to do this anymore. I am tempted to NOT call my dr this morning to get another Clomid script, but instead to just put my journey behind me. It is too painful at times to want to continue this month after month, year after year. 

I dislike that I am feeling this way, almost defeated, right at a time that I have FINALLY found a dr willing to work with me. What the hell?!?! The game plan was to do 3 cycles of Clomid, responding to the Clomid by ovulating (which so far I have) then if no pregnancy then we will have hubby tested. Since we know the problems lie within me, I see that as a wasted test, but if it will help to rule some things out, by all means. I have just lost my mojo to go any further in my journey. 

We (hubby and I) have discussed putting our journey on a time frame, and if no pregnancy by then, then we will just accept our fate and move on knowing we have had the opportunity to raise two wonderful, intelligent girls. I'm pretty sure we decided on 33 being the magic number for us. Being I just celebrated my 32nd birthday, that leaves us a year to conceive. I'm brought back to those feelings of, there is NO way my well being will be able to do this for another year. Hell, I don't know if I could handle another cycle of this roller coaster of emotions, heartache, let downs, etc. But there is that nagging desire within me that says, keep on going, you can do this.