A Long Over Due Update

Wow, yes it has been a super long time since I have last posted anything. Why? Well, because I have been busy and have had a lot going on in my life. Since my last post, I had weekly counseling sessions that in the end seemed to be a complete waste of my time as the only thing the counselor was doing was confirming and agreeing with my feelings and feeding me the same 'remedies' that I have already been doing for the last 2 years. Sorry but distancing myself from other pregnant women is what I've been trying to do all along. *insert eye roll here* So needless to say I was finding more support and more of an outlet through my blog then I did with her. Next!

Endocrinologist.....met up with him, and all seemed wonderful. He was very interested in finding out what was going on with my body. Which is great, but I already knew going in that I have PCOS, at that time it was unmanaged and I needed it managed! So, we went through the whole slew of testing because even the Endo. had doubts that I truly have PCOS because I don't fit the typical PCOS mold. I am not overweight, (although I struggle daily to maintain my current weight)  I do not have the excess facial hair growth or balding spots (yet!) on my head, or the telltale skin tags that all come along with PCOS. So I went along with the testing. Blood work shows that my testosterone levels are great (which explains why I don't have the manly facial hair going on or the hair loss) and I do not have insulin resistance. (which now explains WHY Metformin never worked for me)  My estrogen levels were super low and my FSH:LH ratio is typical of someone with PCOS. So, final diagnosis: Atypical PCOS. Remedy: go back to your primary dr for anything further, no treatment available at this time. (this was after I asked him if he could write me a Clomid script) Thanks buddy! My primary dr is the very same jackass who told me that I wouldn't find ANY dr to prescribe me Clomid. Great, back to square one! 

Between the discouraging news from my Endo. and the feeling like he was my last straw, at that point I got into the mindset that I was DONE trying. Just done. I thought of ALL of the positives of us stopping trying and just ran with it. It helped to ease the hurt I was constantly feeling. So when the questions of, "Are you guys still trying?" came up, I was able to proudly say, "Nope, I'm DONE!" Boy, I never knew what kind of response I was in for but it took me by surprise to hear from a few in real life people, that THEY were relieved! WTF!?!? Really? YOU are relieved that I have given up my journey of expanding my family? Fuck the fact that my heart is hurting, my journey in my head and heart has come to an end, without an end result and YOU are relieved? Fuck off! Some people never cease to amaze me at what they feel is 'helpful support'.

Feeling discouraged, again, I decided to bust out my one last resort dr. (my old OB, the one who I saw for prenatal care while pregnant with Emma) since I was due for my annual exam in July. I decided now that I am insured again to give him a call, now knowing that he specializes in infertility. (wish I had known this years ago!) Got an appointment set up with him, very promptly I may add, and got my annual exam done. While I was in there we discussed all of the findings since I had seen him last, including the septate uterus and PCOS Dx. I keep a copy of ALL of my dr paperwork, labs, etc with me which was handy as he was able to take a look at my 'chart' and know exactly what had taken place since our last visit. First thing he says to me after hearing about the PCOS Dx is, "Well we've gotta get you ovulating if you're ever going to get pregnant. I'm going to prescribe you Clomid." Oh my, I seriously think I heard angels sing at that very moment! That was what I had been waiting to hear for the last 4 years!!!! I questioned my septate uterus and if he felt comfortable enough prescribing me Clomid now knowing that I have that. He told me that "It is merely a piece of tissue, you will not be any higher risk then what you are already are. (I have a history of pre-term labor/birth) The only risk that it brings for you is if the baby implants on the tissue, the pregnancy wouldn't last." Now that I already knew. 

His way of monitoring me is instead of the typical ultrasounds and blood work on cycle day X, I am to continue to chart my temps and fax him my chart at CD 28, so he can read my temp charts and see if we need to up the dose for next cycle. Which means......I have FINALLY found a dr who is familiar with FAM and knows how to read charts! OH MY GOODNESS!! This is HUGE to me. I have spent the last 4+ years coming across dr's who know NOTHING about FAM (Fertility Awareness Method) let alone know how to read a chart. 

I made him very aware that I have bought Clomid from overseas and I had been taking that for my previous cycles. I was concerned with the max number of cycles one is allowed to take Clomid and how many he was prescribing me for. (even with the previous cycles of taking Clomid) He told me that he was not considering the previous Clomid use since he was not certain about its potency and quality and that we would completely disregard and not count that I had taken it before. His plan is 3 cycles of Clomid, in which I respond, then if after that no pregnancy, then we will have hubby tested. Of course, hubby is NOT fond of this but in the grand scheme of things I'd honestly prefer to have HIS test then the next on the list for me! At least his comes with some satisfaction in the end! :) 

We're now on Cycle #2 of prescribed Clomid, the first I responded to great, but not until 12 days past my last dose. My OB wants to see me ovulating 10 days or sooner past my last dose. Unfortunately due to a communication error with this current cycle, I am still on 50mgs when I was supposed to be upped to 100mgs. This has now made me doubt whether or not this cycle is going to produce anything. Once I reached the 5 days past my last dose and saw no signs of impending ovulation, I started back on the Royal Jelly that I took previous cycles. (information on that may be an upcoming post) So far, it seems to be helping! Since starting back on the Royal Jelly, my body is trying dam hard to ovulate! I think the Clomid and RJ is a great combination for me.

Ok, now you're caught up!