Over the years I have come to the realization that trying to conceive with Secondary Infertility has its own set of emotions that are similar to grieving that happen throughout each and every cycle!!!
Hope-usually at the beginning of a cycle, when you feel that maybe, just maybe this might be a month that I will ovulate. Screw a + test at this point, ovulating first is obviously needed to get that Big Fat Positive!!
Uncertainty-this occurs as the weeks go by and you're still waiting to see that EWCM or the cervix to move up and start to open.
Denial-"No, this cycles not really a bust, it's just taking a while to happen."
Depression/Anger-This usually happens when you realize the the cycle is a bust, along with the MANY others before it.
Acceptance-When you accept the fact that this cycle is anovulatory and move onto the next. Thus repeats the cycle!
And of course, Envy and Jealousy are underlying feelings that stay throughout all stages of the cycle!!! Some people should know, that too much exposure to things pregnancy related, or some unsettling news from a doctor, can immediately throw you into the Depression/Anger stage and it is much tougher to get back out of that stage.
Hope-usually at the beginning of a cycle, when you feel that maybe, just maybe this might be a month that I will ovulate. Screw a + test at this point, ovulating first is obviously needed to get that Big Fat Positive!!
Uncertainty-this occurs as the weeks go by and you're still waiting to see that EWCM or the cervix to move up and start to open.
Denial-"No, this cycles not really a bust, it's just taking a while to happen."
Depression/Anger-This usually happens when you realize the the cycle is a bust, along with the MANY others before it.
Acceptance-When you accept the fact that this cycle is anovulatory and move onto the next. Thus repeats the cycle!
And of course, Envy and Jealousy are underlying feelings that stay throughout all stages of the cycle!!! Some people should know, that too much exposure to things pregnancy related, or some unsettling news from a doctor, can immediately throw you into the Depression/Anger stage and it is much tougher to get back out of that stage.
I'm stuck in bitterness/resentment/jealousy/and envy! There's so much more stages I think with infertility, it really does stink that we have to feel this way. I've never had acceptance though! Not even for the annovulatory times, like right now. LOL. Oh the joys, huh?
ReplyDelete((HUGS)) Krystal!! I HATE the bitterness/resentment/jealousy/envy stage as it seems to never end!!! I agree there are just so many different stages when dealing with SIF, that it is hard to list/describe them all in a way that someone will understand and relate.
ReplyDeleteThe only times I have ever felt acceptance during a cycle, is when I have something to look forward to trying the following cycle. Ie., this upcoming cycle I am trying DCI (D-Chiro-Inositol) so I am fine with the fact that this cycle was a bust, and anovulatory. Since I know I have something to look forward to it made the depression/anger stage much less.
Krystal, you have PCOS also right? You should check out this link for DCI, if you're not aware of it yet. It was recommended to me by a fellow TCOYF'er, who has found success regulating her cycles. www.chiralbalance.com
HUGS to you!!
I just checked back finally - I'll have to look into it!! And yes, I do have PCOS. I had to induce provera finally to get over this evil cycle so up next is clomid!
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