Ultrasound Follow Up Appointment

Ok, now that I have had time to marinate on yesterdays doctor's appointment and the news I received, I just might be able to update without breaking down and crying again.

Ok, where to start? My "Bicornuate Uterus" is NOT a Bicornuate but instead it is a Septate Uterus, which means that I am now a VERY, VERY high risk candidate (even more then before) IF I ever get pregnant again. I am now at a VERY high risk for miscarriages, because if a baby implants on the Septum (a piece of tissue that is separating my uterus in two, that does NOT contain blood vessels) it would not support a pregnancy and I would lose it. :( The doctor kept asking me over and over, if I'd ever had a miscarriage and as far as I know, I haven't. I did suspect one cycle I WAS pregnant, judging by extended luteal phase, the flow/severe cramps that followed, I DO suspect that I have, but can't confirm.

THEN, I asked him about the PCOS diagnosis and without a doubt, I have PCOS, with the multiple follicles on my ovaries, them being enlarged, all my other signs/symptoms, etc. So, then I asked him about getting Clomid (an ovulation inducing med) and said that I've been having the hardest time finding a doc to prescribe me Clomid, and his words were, "And you won't find one that will. With you having PCOS AND a Septate Uterus you fall into a class of VERY high risk. High risk for multiples with ovarian stimulation meds, (and my abnormal uterus won't be able to support multiples) high risk for OHSS, (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome) and high risk due to the Septum. You would have to be monitored VERY closely by a high risk OB/Gyn." :'(

My heart sank into my stomach when he told me that. He said that he works in conjunction with a few local GYN's, one of which is at the last OB/GYN practice I went to while pregnant with Emma. We discussed how expensive all that would be, especially since I am not insured and they have NO discounts for self pay people. But he said he would talk it over with the OB/GYN and see what her take is on it. I don't know if this means he will be referring me to her or if SHE could write the script, I just don't know. So, it looks like my search of a Clomid script is over. :''(

I asked him if I could discontinue the Metformin as it has been messing with my sugars drastically!! I have a feeling this doc didn't have much experience with PCOS as again he is clearing it with the OB/GYN as to if I should stop it or not. With the fact that is is drastically messing with my sugars, and hasn't done anything to help ovulation or weight loss, he thinks I should stop them. He is going to get back to me with all of this info.

He made me nervous and scared because he kept asking about miscarriages and was absolutely FLOORED that I even was able to get pregnant, twice, and carried a pregnancy (Chey was preterm) to term with the Septate Uterus. He did say that any future pregnancies would be compromised and there's a high probability that I would lose them. I really don't know if I could handle a miscarriage after all of my struggles to GET pregnant. Right now, I feel like a lost cause, reproductively. There is nobody that will be willing to take me on, with all of my high risk situations. I don't ovulate on my own, and can't get any assistance in stimulating ovulation. Fuck man, THIS IS NOT FAIR!!!!

I barely made it home before I broke down bawling. Through tears and quivering lips, I told my husband what I was told. He just held me and let me have a good cry. It's not something like this could happen to a crack whore, no, it happens to people who are good people, have stable lives, and WANT to have and love a baby. No, it happened to ME!!

I don't know where to go from here. I cannot afford all of the tests/dr fees/appointment fees/ultra sound fees it's going to take to closely monitor me while I take Clomid. Obviously, I am not/have not been ovulating on my own, so achieving pregnancy without ovulation inducing meds, is most likely not gonna happen. It hit me like a ton of bricks when he told me, "I'm sorry Laura, I don't know what else to do for you. Everyone has already done pretty much everything that CAN be done." Thanks, so now dr's can't even help me. Ugh!!!