Happy Birthday to my princess-Emma's Birth Story

I always reminisce on my girls' births on their birthday. I have never written them out, so this will be all from my recollections.

Emma's Birth-May 14th, 2007

Around 1 am I woke up and felt wet down below and thought maybe it was just sweat. Went pee and fell back asleep. My husband was supposed to go to work that day, so when I woke up at 7, feeling wet again, I told him I think my water broke, but I wasn't sure. For whatever reason, I did not believe it, because it was not a steady trickle or a huge gush like it was when Chey's broke. I told him don't worry, go ahead and go to work, I'll be fine. I went and stood in Emma's room staring at her crib all set up and just waiting for a baby to fill it. Then I had another gush, although just a small one. Lance suggested maybe calling my doctor and seeing what they said, as he knew how quick my last labor was (2 hours 22 min.from time water broke to time she was delivered) and didn't want to risk anything. 

I called my doctor and got his nurse, Becky, whom I LOVED, even though week after week she inflicted major pain on me by injecting me with Progesterone shots, in hopes of keeping me from delivering preterm as I did with Chey. It worked apparently!! Becky said she advises all patients who have any sort of wetness like that to go into Triage at the Birthing Center and get checked out. My heart skipped a beat for a minute when I realized that today might be the day that I have our baby. We had had all the bags ready to go since I was 32 weeks, for fear that I would deliver early and I wanted to be prepared. Everything any laboring mother could ever need. 

In my hubby's bag was massage oils, cameras, 1 digital camera, 1 35mm film camera with MANY rolls of film and extra batteries, tennis balls in case I got back labor again and hubby could massage my back with them, snacks in case he got hungry, massaging gadgets, and I believe a change of clothes for him. In my bag was several changes of clothes, all the toiletries I would need, makeup and hair accessories because I knew lots of pictures would be taken and I wanted to look good for them, relaxing cd's to listen to, Chey's PSP for entertainment, sudoku books with plenty of pens, my birth plan, plenty of clean panties and pads for after the birth. Emma's bag was her diaper bag full of diapers, her going home outfit, several outfits, sleepers, her baby book, with a stamp pad because for some reason I thought they would need it to stamp her footprints into her baby book (keep in mind my last delivery was 11 years prior and was VERY traumatic and FAST!!)  and her boppy pillow so I could breast feed comfortably in the hospital. You think we had enough stuff? We (and when I say we, I mean Lance, :)) gathered up all the bags into the car while I did the last minute running around. I had to make sure my hair and makeup were done, teeth were brushed, tea was made and took one last look at Emma's empty crib and thought this will be the last day it will be empty. We headed off to the hospital.

I wasn't really having any contractions, not any that I felt anyways. Since I was high risk for preterm labor and have been having contractions since 28 weeks, I didn't feel anything worse then what I had already been feeling. Part of me was still in denial that my water had broke. Got to triage, and laid down on the bed, allowing amniotic fluid to pool so they could check it and see if it was in fact my water that had broken. I was handed a hospital gown and told to put it on, despite my birth plan which stated that I wanted to labor and birth in my own clothes. I went along with it as she hooked me up to the monitors to check baby's heartbeat and monitor contractions. She left for a while, and came back a bit later to confirm that my water had in fact broken and they would be keeping me. At that time she did a quick ultrasound and we discovered that Emma was sunny side up, which is not an optimum birthing position as they're supposed to be face towards the floor not up facing momma. I knew immediately that with her being sunny side up, that it would mean difficulties in pushing her out. After the nurse left, my mother in law came in. I'm not sure at what point my husband had called her but she was the most excited I have ever seen her. We filled her in on the news that today would be the day. We also asked her if she could go pick Chey up from school as she wanted to there for the birth of her first sibling. She did as we got moved into our labor/birthing room. 

Hanging out waiting for contractions to start.

As we got in the birthing room, I was informed that Pitocin would have to be started since it had been so long since my water had broken and I was still not having any contractions. I immediately felt like dread had taken over. I did not want Pitocin or any other drugs or interventions for that matter. Hell, I didn't even want an IV in my arm but was informed by my doc that they would need to have the heploc in there just in case something came up, so they would not have to fumble around with it while I was in labor. Hesitantly I went along with the IV and Pitocin. It took 4 attempts and a life flight nurse to come in and attempt an IV. I tried telling them that my veins like to roll or collapse, but I guess they needed to find out for themselves. Pitocin was started at 9:23.

Since we had left all the bags in the car, Lance took the time to run down and get them all, as well as my birthing ball. I knew I wanted to labor on it as long as possible to help bring Emma down into the birth canal. Shift change took place and I got a new nurse. I went over my birth plan with her and when she read the part about me wanting to labor in my own clothes she asked me why I was in a hospital gown then. I told her I was told to put it on. She told me that I didn't have to wear it and could wear what I felt comfortable in, so I out my clothes back on. I knew I was gonna like this nurse!! We went over paper work and the whole no pain med paper work. I did not want any and she knew that but informed me that if I signed the paper work declining pain meds that it would also mean IF I had to have a c-section, that it would mean no pain meds for that either. So I stipulated on the paper work, epi only in case of an emergency c-section. 

This nurse knew that Emma was sunny side up and had me get into a position where I was on all fours on the bed with my torso draped over the birth ball, so that Emma could turn and get into prime birthing position. I had my mother in law, my best friend Daleyne, my daughter Cheyenne, and of course my husband all in the room with me. We were all sitting around talking, laughing, watching tv, doing crossword puzzles and just having a good time. We all took guesses at how big Emma would be at birth, I had guessed 6 lbs 7 oz and Lance's guess was 7 lbs 6 oz. I still was not feeling any contractions, despite them showing up on the monitors. I was extremely grateful for Daleyne as she was taking pictures of it all. The nurses pretty much left us alone the whole time only to come in to turn up the Pitocin. Since they had started an IV drip and was giving me extra fluids as well, I was constantly having to pee. So, Lance would help me unhook all the wires, drape them over my neck and help me walk into the bathroom. 

Lance holding the monitors in place so we could still see if I was contracting and how Emma was tolerating them.

Around 3:15, after my latest bathroom trip, I laid down in the bed, kinda bored and started to play Chey's PSP, and at that point I had actually felt my first contraction. Lance had stepped outside to smoke, and I remember thinking man, I wish he was here right now. Lance's mom had gone home earlier to check on her husband and to get a bite to eat. I couldn't concentrate on the game I was playing so I put it down on my lap. Chey asked me if that one was a good one and I told her yes. Then Lance came back in and I had to make yet another bathroom trip. As I got back into the bed, my water started gushing BAD!! I whispered to him, it won't stop pouring out. 

At 3:30 the contractions started for real. The nurse came in and told me baby wasn't tolerating them to well and that I should lay on my right side. When that happened, the contractions came right on top of each other and all I could do was grab a hold of the railing and hold on tight. Lance was behind me and started rubbing my back, in which I asked him to stop, that it was bothering me. He did, without any hard feelings. The nurse was explaining to me me this is what they called coupling contractions where they are right on top of each other. I was getting NO break from them. She started fidgeting with the monitors on my belly which was pissing me off so I slapped her hand away and told her don't touch me. I was profusely sweating at this time and hoping that it would be over soon. 

When I was in triage I was dilated to 2 and had not had any cervical checks after that so I had no clue where I was at at that point. All of a sudden I felt the overwhelming urge to push and made it loud and clear that I was pushing. The nurse and Lance both said, no don't push!! I said I can't help it, I have to push!! Then everything became so rushed!!! Cheyenne and Daleyne stepped outside as I didn't feel comfortable with my daughter seeing that side of me. The doctor came in and quickly gowned up, and him and Lance rolled me over onto my back and took off my pants. Dr Weeks, kept telling me not to push. I could hear that frantic sound in Lance's voice as he cradled my head in his arms and whispered in my ear, "Baby, PLEASE don't push!" His voice settled me a bit but the urge was still there. I was given the ok to go ahead and push, but was then told to slow it down as he didn't want me to tear. I gave one more steady push, a very loud scream and Emma was delivered. Time of birth, 4:00pm, just 30 minutes after contractions started. 

No tears, no epsiotomy, and a very healthy baby girl who weighed....6 lbs 7 oz, and 19 inches long!!! Momma knows best!! Part of my birth plan was to let the cord stop pulsing before clamping and cutting but since everything happened so quick at the end, the dr was not informed of that request of mine and immediately clamped the cord and had Lance cut it. It was such an amazing sight to see Lance bonding with Emma. Chey and Daleyne came back in and we all took turns holding her and ooh'ing and ahh'ing over her. Chey helped out with the bath but was so scared to touch her for fear she would hurt her. The nurse was great in helping her overcome her fears. Nana missed the birth but came back in time to shed a few tears and cuddle with her newest granddaughter.

Hard to believe this was three years ago today. I relive it every year on her birthday and cannot be more proud to have Emma as my daughter.

I HATE MY BODY!!!

That title pretty much says it all. Cycle day 27, still no ovulation, and spotting/bleeding has been taking place since cycle day 15. I am so frustrated at my body, but what is new right? Why can my body not do the ONE thing it was designed to do? My ovaries must've missed the memo or something. It doesn't seem fair to not have a fair chance at trying to conceive when you don't even ovulate!!! More and more I am wanting to try Clomid to make my body ovulate, if it even will then. I feel like I am almost at my wits end as far as where to turn next. I feel defeated, tired, fed up, lost, and unsure of myself and all the work I have done in the last 2 years to conceive our next child. I just want to scream, cry and go hide until my body can get it right. It's just not fair!!!!!!!!!!!! I.Hate.My.Body!!!!!!

The Challenge and Cycle Updates

I cannot believe I never posted about our challenge the hubby and I worked out. I approached him at the beginning of my cycle and challenged him that he couldn't do the deed with me every other day until 3 days AFTER ovulation. I thought this was a no-brainer challenge as that would guarantee him nookie every other day throughout the month!! Well he decided to come back at me with if he holds up his end of the deal then he gets his fishing license early. I thought, why not? He won't be able to keep up for that long, works for me. So, deal is, do the deed every other day until 3 days after O, if he misses one day, then our agreement is null and void and he must wait until Father's Day for his fishing license. 

Just recently we have had some modifications on both parts. He has decided to give up the fishing license quest and instead work for beer!! LOL So on days that we're scheduled to DTD, he gets a beer or two and I get laid!! SCORE!! Since he got to modify his end of the bargain I did too. I know my body is gearing up to ovulate now and have requested that we DTD every day until 3 days after O. Which would sound like alot of pressure for my dear husband, but really, it's another win-win for him. He gets beer and laid EVERY DAY until I O!!! How can he turn that down??

Now for a cycle update. I had 6 days of spotting this cycle with it ending yesterday. Which is one day more then last cycle. The very shitty and breath holding part is that I ran out of NPC!!!! I am so holding my breath to see what will happen. I saw I was running out, as did DH, so he had me order more and I thought it'd be here in time, but nope! So, I have 2 old empty bottles of NPC, that if you take apart the pump mechanism, there is about 1/2-1 tsp of NPC in there. I seriously look like a feign tearing apart NPC bottles to scrape out that last remnants of NPC!! LOL

I had my usual temp drop this morning that usually happens just 2 days before O, so all is lining up nicely now. Now if my NPC will just get here and DH will give up the nookie every day til here til after O, I think we might just have a chance at catching my egg!!!

Why are some doctors so damn smug??

I have to share this reply I got from a reputable IVF specialist b/c I can't seem to shake it. I know how my body responds to NPC. Since this doctor might know WHY, I asked him about it, and this is the response that I got. Top part is obviously my question to him, bottom part is his response.

Question:
Hi,

I have long cycles and was recently diagnosed with PCOS. Prior to my diagnosis I have tried everything under the sun to regulate them and help me to ovulate. Vitex, Evening Primrose Oil, Dr John Lee's Shutdown, (in which Natural Progesterone Cream is applied for CD's 5-26, then stopped) a couple unmedicated cycles, soy isoflavones, currently on 1000mg/day of Metformin and the ONLY cycles I had "normal" cycle length with ovulation, is when I took NPC (25mg/BID) from CD's 5-26 (or til Aunt Flow) I know normally NPC should suppress ovulation, but instead for me it helps me ovulate. Why would that be? I cannot make sense of it at all, but am impressed that this is all it took.

I recently had an appointment with my dr, who actually told me that the NPC would do me no good in the beginning of my cycle and I should stop the NPC and start BCP's for a while to help get my cycles regulated again.

Thank you,
L. from Oregon


Answer:

Hello L. from Oregon,

Natural progesterone cream (NPC) will NOT get you to ovulate, but will help to keep you regular. In fact, you don't need to take it as many days as you are taking if all you want is to have a period on a regular basis. All you have to do is use it on CD#16-25 (10 days). When you withdraw the progesterone, you will have a period, because that is what happens in the luteal phase of the cycle. The progesterone is working directly on the endometrial lining and causing it to "luteinize" which is why withdrawal of the hormone causes it to breakdown and bleed. We use other forms of "natural" progesterone such as prometrium, Crinone, Procheive, Endometrin and Provera to accomplish the same task. But the progesterone does nothing to the ovary so ovulation does not occur. In large enough doses of progesterone, as that contained in birth control pills, it will cause a suppression of ovarian function.

The birth control pill is only a treatment to regulate your cycles. If a woman with PCOS is not intending to become pregnant, then the treatment of choice is to use the birth control pill. On the other hand, if your goal is to start ovulating, because you want to get pregnant, then as a woman with PCOS you need to use a medication that will induce the ovaries to ovulate such as Clomid, Femara or injectable medications.

I hope this helps to explain things."

Now the part that got my blood boiling is when he posted this on his blog AND his IVF blog to be tweeted on his twitter site.

"#PCOS Patient on natural progesterone #NP, thinks she is ovulating w/cycle but she is mistaken." 

Really? I'm mistaken?? Out of all of my TTC cycles NPC has been THE only thing to make me O, and I'm mistaking that??? Oh, he can so bite me!!!! I bet the jackass didn't even take a look at my charts I sent him. Really though, why did I expect a doctor who specializes in IVF to remotely understand a damn thing about alternative medicine anyways??? 

Now I am wishing will all of my being that I ovulate soon, because you can bet your ass he will be getting a follow up email from me!!!

Trying Not to Get Excited

As of today I am on CD 15, and I started spotting this morning. Normally this would get me down and totally upset thinking my chances for a normal cycle are out. However, looking back on my last cycle, I had spotting on CD 14-18, with ovulation occurring on CD 19. The odd thing is that the Nabothian cyst that I have on the right side of cervical OS, disappeared the same day spotting started. The same has happened this cycle as well. Since this cycle seems to be mirroring last cycle to a T, theoretically, ovulation should take place the day after spotting stops. Which again if it's mirroring last cycle, should be CD 21. I can't help but to get excited with hope that my body just might be a normal cycle length again.

What IF?

What IF? A Portrait of Infertility from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.

There's not a whole lot of explanation needed for this video. It really touched me as I could relate to ALOT of it!! Thought I'd share with others.