Operation: Feel Better: Week 1.....Sucked!

This never fails. I set some new plans/goals for myself and something happens, usually LIFE, that sweeps those plans out from under my feet. This time it was a stomach bug. First Miss Emma, (my youngest daughter) came down with it, so all of my time went to mothering her and making sure she was well taken care of. Remember how I said exercising can be nixed with even the slightest of excuses? Well yep, this time was no different. And being that I was caring for a sick child, so did my massage and solo shopping spree plans. Then no sooner did she get on the mend, did I catch it. So, of course, NO working out was to be had when I called in sick to work, and spent a full day in bed, while recouping the next day. Week 2 HAS to go better, although hubby was complaining of an upset sour stomach just last night. I have a feeling this is not going to be the end of this stomach bug or the beginning of getting back on track to making myself feel better. Still gonna give it my all though.

Awesome OvaCue Giveaway!!!

There is a great giveaway going on over at Life, Loss, and Other Things and The Tater Twins where they are giving away not one but TWO Ovacue Fertility Monitors. This is an exciting little gadget in the trying to conceive world since it can be used by people with all conditions, including PCOS like myself and can technically be used for both trying or avoiding. They are doing a fantastic giveaway in which two winners will be picked. The cool part is when you enter the email address of who referred you, if YOU are picked as a winner, the person who refers you also wins one. How cool is that? So just enter LJEANH27@MSN.COM when prompted and get yourself entered! The entries are super easy and take about 5 minutes to do. Even if you are not interested you could always enter and help increase my chances of winning myself one. Thanks to all and good luck!

Direct link to giveaway:  http://lifelossandotherthings.blogspot.com/2012/03/giveaway-ovacue-fertility-monitor-with.html

Operation: Feel Better

Let me start off by saying I hate being in a funk, just simply hate it. My personality is usually bubbly, happy go lucky, you know the type you just wanna punch sometimes because they are TOO happy? Well that is NOT me these days. I find myself dragging during the day, not wanting to do things that I used to love to do and frankly just want to spend all of my time in bed. If only, right? I DO have two children after all that need their momma so that is not an option. It sure doesn't change how I feel though.

I decided enough is enough and it is time for a change. Not having a trying to conceive game plan anymore sure leaves a whole lot of time for thinking. And no, I'm not doing the dwelling on it, woe is me, type of thinking. These moments of thought usually result in great things. So even though my situation sucks and my journey of expanding our family is dwindling down and coming to and end, there WILL be positives coming from this.

First things first, this momma needs to start taking care of herself. For real! I have always heard A Happy Mom is a Happy Home. I'm starting to believe it so I plan on putting this to the test. So I am now focusing on ME and what makes ME happy. First plan of attack is to treat myself to one nice thing a week. It can be as simple as taking the time to paint my nails or reading a book that I enjoy, instead of a children's book. Or, taking my mocha outside in the morning and watching the sunrise in complete silence. 

The next thing I want to do is focus on my health and body. If I can't get pregnant I might as well get myself in the best tip top shape I can be and be the hottest momma in town. ;) I fell out of my very good work out groove I was in when I was forced to sit out from working out. Getting back into a consecutive daily routine has been tough and I can find the simplest of excuses to make myself NOT work out. So goal #2, work out DAILY, 7:20am sharp, no excuses. 

My next plan of attack in helping myself feel better is I am splurging on ME and only me. I am one of those people who puts myself last. If I get birthday money, it usually gets spent on somebody else, with the plan that I will replace that money and spend it on me. Nope, never happens. I am going to make it happen. As much of a coupon frugal freak I am, I am actually going to bite the bullet and go shopping for myself, at Victoria's Secret. There's no way I can buy for somebody else there! Ha. But no worries, I have my coupons for my free panties and coupons for money off bras, and I plan on using every one of them. ;)

Day 1 of Operation: Feel Better. Wake up at 4:30am (while the girls are still asleep) make myself a mocha, set up the foot soaker/massager with my new aromatherapy Lavender/Chamomile salts, (that I bought for myself yesterday while at the store!!) turn off all sounds and RELAX.

Day 1, done!

Enough Said

*Sigh....an update

First things first, Femara cycle #2 did not result in pregnancy but it did help me to ovulate, and hyperstimulate. I started feeling better halfway through my luteal phase which was my first indication that this would be another busted cycle. I was starting to actually come to terms with my mandated cycle break and was looking forward to a month off.

I felt myself starting to get down and usually can find some activities/hobbies to help me out of my funk. Day after day, I felt weepy and just generally like there was a black cloud hanging over my head. I decided to call my OB/GYN and have him run a Vitamin D level blood draw to see where my levels were at, knowing that a deficiency can play a part in depression. Ob had no issues running it and just as I suspected my levels were low. Low end of normal is 30 and my levels were a whopping 17. I was instructed to start taking 2000iu/day until my OB got back in town to give me proper dosage. So now add that to the mix of my body's malfunctions....(in order of diagnosis) Endometriosis, PCOS, Septate Uterus, and now Vitamin D Deficiency. I'm not asking what's next!

Which is apparently a good thing I didn't ask what's next because I got that answer anyways. My Ob had a chance to look over my charts I faxed in and indeed I am ovulating on the Femara, but he is not willing to prescribe it long term. The next step is to schedule a fertility appointment to discuss our options of pursuing further testing or IUI/IVF. Hubby and I have our views/opinions on Assisted Reproductive Technology and have decided that it is not an option for us. This now leaves us either looking into WHY we are not getting pregnant despite the meds making me ovulate or nothing. The appointment alone would be billed as fertility and as most know in this game, if it has ANYTHING to do with fertility, you are footing the whole bill, insurance won't cover a dime. In addition, the further tests would also be out of pocket expenses. My Ob has decided that he is not willing to prescribe anymore fertility meds without discussing our options and the options that we are now facing, are not even an option for us.

I did also receive a call from my primary dr who was sent the results from my Vit D and I was given a prescription for 50,000iu Vitamin D to be taken once a week for 6 weeks then resume OTC Vitamin D supplements. I am hoping that once we get my levels up where they should be that my body starts ovulating on its own, as at this point, that is going to be my only hope and chance for expanding our family.

As much as I was looking forward to this much needed break, the news of my dr assisted journey coming to an end has me heartbroken.

O me, O my, O WHAT?!?

Time for that update. I am currently on cycle day 21 with ovulation having taken place on cycle day 15. Now leading up to ovulation I had some mild discomfort that I just chalked up to having to do with ovulation. It was uncomfortable to sit, I would feel internal pressure when I sat and was just mildly uncomfortable. Days leading up to ovulation it got worse and the 'heavy' feeling got more prominent. 2 days after ovulation I was dying in pain, it hurt so much. At this point the heavy feeling became so much. It seriously felt like I was smuggling a 10 pound bowling ball in my uterus and ANY movement H.U.R.T!!!! I laid in bed all day, only to get up to work out, which about made me puke because of the intense pain I was in and all of the jostling around. After my workout, I went right back to bed where I stayed all day. This is completely out of the norm for me. The next day I called my dr and told them how I was feeling and asked if this was normal. I was concerned about the chances of it being Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome, in which the meds work a little too well and overproduce follicle/eggs. With me having PCOS and having tons of immature follicles on my ovaries as it is, it generally doesn't take much stimulation to wake them up. And waking them up it exactly what it did! The nurse also agreed with me in that it did sound like Hyperstimulation and dr wanted me to come in for an ultrasound the next morning to confirm.

Ultrasound went well, as well as a vaginal ultrasound can go when one is in intense pain in that region!! The tech told me it appeared that I had a cyst rupture as there was a "large black hole" on my left ovary. Now knowing I had just ovulated I asked if that could be the corpus luteum cyst that is supposed to be there, since I just ovulated. Well yes sure that is a possibility. This was my first clue that maybe it wasn't a ruptured cyst after all. I got to see all of my insides, my abnormal uterus both horns and all, my polycystic ovaries, swollen and all. Yep looked to me the same as the last time I saw them.

Yesterday I finally got the results back from my ultrasound. Definite mild Ovarian HyperStimulation Syndrome. Crap man!!! So per doctor's orders, pelvic rest, nothing inside the pelvis, no strenuous exercise, and rest as much as I can. I will most likely continue to feel this pain until my period arrives. Or if I am lucky enough to get pregnant this cycle (now THAT would be my luck! Ha!) the OHSS will continue to cause me issues as it won't get a break to calm down, thanks to the pregnancy hormones. I am also to take next cycle off to let my ovaries chill with hopes of some of the follicles resuming normal size. Or what is normal for me anyways. If/when I get another period on my own (I doubt that one!!) then we can decide from there if resuming Femara is right for me. So here I am again, proving statistics wrong as Femara is supposed to have less chances of OHSS then Clomid. 9 cycles on Clomid and I didn't experience this not once. 2nd cycle on Femara and here we are! Oh fun!

Time to Let the Cat Out of the Bag

I have been putting off updating my blog for many reasons, the main one is that I lied, I did not put my trying to conceive journey to an end. Instead, quite the opposite actually. My hesitation comes from fear of being judged and in this case, my fear is of being judged as some crazy hormonal lady that can't make up her mind on what she wants. I DO know what I want in life, it's just I am not willing to sacrifice my sanity or emotional well being to achieve it. Well maybe I can spare a little bit of sanity?

So now time for the update. Since my last blog post I did some more investigating in regards to if insurance will cover Prometrium to induce periods. (A MUCH nicer and more natural version of what I have been using for the last 4 years) I wanted to inform my doctor of my decision of wanting to be done trying, for my sanity's sake. There was a little nagging voice (I have learned it is called HOPE) that would NOT leave me alone about checking to see if my insurance would cover Femara as well. So a call to my insurance was made and tears of joy fell when I heard those wonderful words in regards to Prometrium AND Femara, "It is completely covered, you won't have to pay a dime out of pocket." Seriously! That pretty much made up my mind for me as far as how these next few cycle's were going to play out.

I called my doctor and informed his nurse Becky of my wanting to be done. I also asked if Femara was an option as my insurance covered it. She hem hawed over it for a few minutes as I had not done the full Clomid course of 4 cycles WITH ovulation, so moving onto a new med wasn't really an option. I BEGGED and pleaded with her to not make me go back onto Clomid. For those that do not know, Clomid is freaking EVIL!! Don't get me wrong, it does what it is supposed to do, induce ovulation. However, it also comes with a whole slew of nasty ass side effects. The main one for me was uncontrollable raging surges. It was BEYOND awful and I refused to take one more single pill of that shit. She told me she would talk it over with the doc, as well as inform him of the side effects I was having and see what he thought. Prometrium was a no brainer, of course he would prescribe that for me. All I asked was for him to let me do the more natural version, the one that doesn't come with potential birth defect side effects. YES, he agreed without hesitation. I got the return call that day saying they would call in Femara, 5mgs to be taken on cycle days 3-7, progesterone draw done on cycle day 24 (since I tend to respond and ovulate later in my cycle) and go from there.

Femara cycle #1- Temps seemed stable in the beginning, and it didn't take long for me to get my first ever Smiley face on the ovulation test, indicating I was ovulating soon. That was the day after Christmas, what a fantastic surprise!! The next day, another positive and yet, no temp rise. Yes I was stumped. The next day, rinse and repeat. 3 days in a row I got positive ovulation tests, which of course made things very confusing for me. Long story short, first cycle of Femara resulted in my earliest ovulation EVER, cycle day 14! Perfect, just like a text book cycle. Which then changed things with the progesterone draw as to get accurate results it needs to be done 7 days past ovulation and if I stayed on my dr's requested schedule, it would put me near the very end of my cycle. So I called and asked when they would want me to get it done and they agreed 7 days past ovulation.

Progesterone blood draw went well and the ladies at the lab are starting to recognize me, and some now know me on a first name basis. A sign one has made too many trips to the lab, huh? The next day I got my results which only showed that I ovulated and that my progesterone levels were within a normal range. That I knew already since I chart my temps. What I didn't know is that a progesterone draw may not be covered by my insurance. So, that will be the last progesterone draw I have, especially since I can confirm ovulation, for FREE, via my thermometer. My doctor agreed and is more then fine with just sticking with me faxing in my charts to confirm ovulation that way. I have to say, I LOVE HAVING A SUPPORTIVE DOCTOR!!! It has been a long time coming!!! I no longer feel like I have to fight for what I want or need, instead I bring it up and he agrees. It is lovely!!!

So needless to say that cycle did not result in a positive or this post would have gotten to that point already. It did manage to restore my Hope in that we may have found our golden ticket to conceiving our next baby. I am now on cycle day 13 of a new cycle, Femara 5mgs cycle days 3-7 and now just waiting. Since we have been at this baby making journey for so long, and even despite my body's lack of ovulation naturally, we HAVE been able to get me to ovulate with meds. Even with prefect timing with every cycle, we still have not been able to get pregnant. My doctor wanted my husband tested after my last round of Clomid, but since we switched meds, he decided to hold off one more. This cycle, it was time for hubby to be on the hook for testing.

Now let me say the last time we were trying, (for our second child) when it came time to do his part, it was like pulling teeth from a gator. He was just in that denial stage that nothing was wrong with him, so the test was pointless. The lab order and sterilized specimen cup sat in our house for over two years before he finally sucked it up and got it done. Maybe it was all the years of me bitching that finally did it?? So imagine my surprise when he was very supportive in telling me that he would do this for me. I did inform/remind him of all of the tests and junk, fake hormones, mood swings and all I have endured for the last 4 years and his one little test, that involves ENJOYMENT on his part, is the least he could do for me. Without hesitation, two days ago after work he came home and did his thing.

Semen analysis- I knew hubby would be embarrassed enough to have to do this sort of test and lucky for him he was able to um, get his sample, at home, so I volunteered to be the courier of the brown bag of goodies. Afterall, I get to go see my favorite ladies at the lab again. Now for those that don't know about semen analysis, it is a time sensitive thing as sperm start dying after a short while outside of the body. Sperm also needs to stay at body temperature and outside of light. So picture this, I have my husband's goods, in a brown bag, tucked in between my cleavage with my jacket zipped up to my neck. Mostly to hide the fact that I was concealing a bag of sperm in between my boobs! ;) The specimen needed to be checked into the lab within 20 minutes, so I rushed to the lab, the lab that is seriously 2 miles down the road from us. As luck would have it, I hit every damn red light on the way!!! Finally got there right at the 15 minute mark, and I was made to sign in and take a seat while the ladies behind the desk were clearly not busy. One was making a personal phone call and the other left on break! After about 2 frantic minutes with sperm still resting contently between my cleavage, I walked up to the desk and said, "I don't mean to rush this along but I have a time sensitive specimen here that I need to drop off." At that time I busted out my brown bag of goodies and handed it over. Her eyes got big and the rush began. She grabbed my paper work and literally RAN the specimen to the lab. Well thank you lady! ;) After that I could calmly resume my wait to be checked in and paper work to be done. MY part was done, the goods were delivered, safe and sound.

Semen Analsys results- we got hubby's results back yesterday and most were good. His count was 59.3 million, which is great! Motility was 70% and it needs to be between 60-100%, so also good. Morphology was a tad low at 67%, when it needs to be between 70-100%. What does that mean? It means out of the 59.3 million sperm my husband produced, only 67% of them were normal, with the other 33% being abnormal, not good sperm. My doctor doesn't feel it is anything worth worrying about and we are to proceed like we have been doing, ovulation inducing meds for me and good timing.

I did have an abnormal to me occurance this cycle that I did inform Becky about as I wanted to confrm it was a Femara side effect or not. I had my normal 5 day period but then continued to spot for another 5 days after that. Completely out of the norm for me. She informed me that that particular side effect is not something she typically sees on Femara and wants me to monitor the rest of my cycle for anymore weirdness. It may boil down to we may need to change up my meds for next cycle. I'm hoping not, as we have finally found something that works for me.

So that's it, you're all caught up now.