to put my trying to conceive journey to an end. It appears as though 100mgs of Clomid this cycle did nothing for my body as far as making it ovulate. Hubby and I have had another one of our long discussions, in regards to being done with trying, and I feel my heart is not in a good place right now and hasn't been for quite a while. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want the artificial hormones flowing through my body, I don't want to be acting like a certifiable loony person because I can't keep my emotions in check (due to said artificial hormones) but most importantly, I don't want to put my husband and family through this anymore. I can't. My husband is fully supportive of my decisions, whichever they may be. He has left it up to me to decide what I want to do. For now I want to be done. I'll still temp, so I know if I ovulate on my own or not, so I know when to bring on a period with Provera. But as far as taking meds to ovulate and taking meds to try to fix my cycles, I'm done. I think I need some time to rid my body of all of these hormones and get my emotions back under control. I need to find myself again and return to my happy state that trying to conceive for almost 4 years has robbed from me.
We haven't told family/friends yet of our decision and honestly I don't even know how to. The one that is going to be the worst emotionally is telling my mother-in-law. She has been extremely supportive despite all of her little comments of, "When is it going to be Laura's turn to get pregnant?" or "When are you going to give me a grandson?" She has followed my journey and cried tears with me along the way. So to tell her that we are putting this to an end, will crush her as much as it is/has been crushing me.
I want to thank all of you for your support along the way. It has meant a great deal to me. I wish my journey had ended a better way, with a greater result, but I can't walk away from this without seeing the positives. I have helped MANY women throughout my 4 year journey, helped them to discover things about their body, provided support for them and the knowledge they needed to achieve their goals of expanding their family. I feel very accomplished.
Welcome to my blog. I have started this blog to help share the knowledge and experiences I have acquired over the years with my struggles with Secondary Infertility.
I'm sorry Laura. I know this has been a long hard journey for you.
ReplyDeleteMomma will support you no matter what your decision Laura, she just wants you to be happy. Im glad you have finally decided to put you first above all the trying. It sounds like you need an emotional break; good for you for finally taking it.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sue. Without a doubt this has been a long, hard journey for me. (and for my family and husband too, I'm sure)
ReplyDeleteThank you Wendy for your comforting words. I know that all that anybody wants is for me to be happy but I can't help but to feel a bit of I am letting others down. Hell I feel like infertility has won as I have admitted defeat. I'm sure these feelings will pass over time but until then, these are some emotions I have to deal with.
((hugs))
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