I'm Tired....

I seriously need to vent, cry, and let out my frustrations, all without judgements. I don't feel I have a safe place to vent without having to worry about others feelings or how they are gonna take it. So, this is not meant to offend anyone, I just have a bunch of bottled up emotions that need to come out before I explode. So, read further at your own will.

I am tired of this rollercoaster ride. I'm tired of taking supplement after supplement only for nothing to come of it. I'm tired of having to restrict my diet in an attempt to help my body. I'm tired of thinking about my fertility before I do, eat or drink anything. I'm tired of feeling alone in this journey. I'm tired of my body not working how it should be. It has betrayed me! I'm tired of the comments and questions from family members who do not know the situation and think I am being selfish by not providing my daughters with extra siblings. I'm tired of feeling the pressure to hurry up and get PG so I can have my babies before I start menopausing. Women in my family start menopausing in their 30's! No pressure there right? And drumroll please, how old am I? Yep, you guessed it, 30! I'm tired of seeing PG women everywhere. I'm even more tired of seeing the ones that should NOT be PG, and here I am suffering with secondary infertility. I'm tired of them rubbing their unwanted PG's in my face. I'm tired of people who do have kids how they treat their "shitheads" and "fuckers." Is that really a nice thing to call your child? And your PG with your 2nd? Lovely! Really, give that kid to me, it will never get called those hurtful, mean names and will be loved forever!!! I'm tired of feeling tired. There are times that I get down (right now) and just want to throw in the towel in my TTC journey, but then I look into my children's eyes and who could not want more of them? I want a house full of children, I love the laughter, the fun times with them, teaching them new things, and helping them grow into their own person. I love that! That is what gives me the strength to continue on. It doesn't change the fact that I am still tired!

Ok, I think that is it for now. I'm sure more feelings will come rushing to me again. Will leave that for the next vent!