 |
| Enough said. This quote is what has kept me going and persevering throughout my journey. The quote alone helps to feed my hope, even when others around me want me to be done. |
Welcome to my blog. I have started this blog to help share the knowledge and experiences I have acquired over the years with my struggles with Secondary Infertility.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
A Little Inspiration
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
April 2012 Update
A lot has taken place since my last post, almost everything BUT ovulation. HA! In a nutshell, Vitamin D course of treatment is complete, follow up blood work came back at 45. That is fantastic as levels need to be between 30-100. Good there. I also got to experience another cyst rupture followed by extremely heavy bleeding just last week. An ultrasound was done to confirm a cyst rupture, not a follicle. I had a follow up appointment today for the cyst rupture and below were the list of questions I had for my OB.
Q: What are we going to do about my recurring rupturing cysts? CAN anything be done?
A: Birth Control Pills (BCP's) would be his first course of action for somebody who is not trying to conceive. Being I am trying, we're doing nothing about the cysts. My body will rupture them and handle them on their own, but short of BCP's, there's nothing that CAN be done.
Q: What can we do to manage my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome? (PCOS) Anymore testing that would help to get PCOS under control? Ie., repeat PCOS lab work up, check Insulin resistance, etc.
A: He doesn't feel anymore testing would change the course of action. Managing PCOS for me at this stage of trying to conceive would leave me with few options. (back to the BCP thing) Testing for insulin resistance would not change his course of action, which would be Glucophage, aka Metformin. We already went that route with me and know that my body at any dose, does not tolerate it well. So that is not an option. I am going to do an at home A1C test that I can mail off to show me my average sugar levels for the last 6 months.
Q: Can I get a standing order for Prometrium to induce bleeds?
A: Absolutely! Order will be as follows. I am to take 10 day course of 200mg Prometrium every other month, on odd months. So starting May 1st, 10 day course of Prometrium. Have a bleed. We will sit 60 days out, if no ovulation, then another round of Prometrium. He is hoping opposing the estrogen with Prometrium will get me to ovulate. We'll see. Unlimited refills so I don't have to call every time I need a bleed. Fricking yeehaw!!!!!!
Q: Would he be willing to let me try one more cycle of Femara?
A: HE actually brought it up to me! I ♥ my doctor!!! Yes, he is more then willing to let me go ONE more cycle of Femara, even with my hyperstimulation/cyst history. Although, there is a catch. He first wants me to try 2 cycles of bringing on a bleed with Prometrium (so still 4 months out??) before we do another round of Femara. Why? He wants to see if I can oppose the estrogen with Prometrium and make myself ovulate on my own. How fricking cool is that, that my dr is on board with this????? Absolutely amazing to me! Amazing!
Q: I don't WANT to do this next part but I would like to gather more info/pricing on IUI and inform myself about the procedure.
A: Cost of meds would be the same for me, free because we would use Femara and insurance covers it. Cost of IUI is $300 and includes ultrasound to monitor for follicles, semen analysis (SA) (since they have to spin it to get JUST the swimmers) and insemination. It's still not something "I" personally want to do, but was nice to still have the info.
Q: Ways to boost estrogen naturally so ovulation will happen and alleviate symptoms of low estrogen?
A: He doesn't feel that my issue is low estrogen, but instead unopposed estrogen. (If you are not familiar with this I recommend googling Dr John Lee and the Shutdown, AMAZING info) Which is still going along with what I have been learning or have read about needing progesterone to balance the unopposed estrogen. Which then lead me to picking his brain as to WHY I ovulate when on natural progesterone cream. He said almost WORD FOR WORD the same thing as that pompous ass Reproductive Endocrinologist who told me that NPC would do NOTHING for ovulation, instead it would suppress it. (see Why are some doctors so damn smug) I told him I don't know how or why, and I just might be a freak of nature, but I have 5 different cycles of NPC use that has resulted in ovulation. He is as stumped as the rest of us.
I think that was it. I'm happy that birth control pills weren't just shoved at me. I was listened to, engaged in conversation with and felt like I was heard and didn't feel rushed at all. This doc is a keeper! ;)
A: Birth Control Pills (BCP's) would be his first course of action for somebody who is not trying to conceive. Being I am trying, we're doing nothing about the cysts. My body will rupture them and handle them on their own, but short of BCP's, there's nothing that CAN be done.
Q: What can we do to manage my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome? (PCOS) Anymore testing that would help to get PCOS under control? Ie., repeat PCOS lab work up, check Insulin resistance, etc.
A: He doesn't feel anymore testing would change the course of action. Managing PCOS for me at this stage of trying to conceive would leave me with few options. (back to the BCP thing) Testing for insulin resistance would not change his course of action, which would be Glucophage, aka Metformin. We already went that route with me and know that my body at any dose, does not tolerate it well. So that is not an option. I am going to do an at home A1C test that I can mail off to show me my average sugar levels for the last 6 months.
Q: Can I get a standing order for Prometrium to induce bleeds?
A: Absolutely! Order will be as follows. I am to take 10 day course of 200mg Prometrium every other month, on odd months. So starting May 1st, 10 day course of Prometrium. Have a bleed. We will sit 60 days out, if no ovulation, then another round of Prometrium. He is hoping opposing the estrogen with Prometrium will get me to ovulate. We'll see. Unlimited refills so I don't have to call every time I need a bleed. Fricking yeehaw!!!!!!
Q: Would he be willing to let me try one more cycle of Femara?
A: HE actually brought it up to me! I ♥ my doctor!!! Yes, he is more then willing to let me go ONE more cycle of Femara, even with my hyperstimulation/cyst history. Although, there is a catch. He first wants me to try 2 cycles of bringing on a bleed with Prometrium (so still 4 months out??) before we do another round of Femara. Why? He wants to see if I can oppose the estrogen with Prometrium and make myself ovulate on my own. How fricking cool is that, that my dr is on board with this????? Absolutely amazing to me! Amazing!
Q: I don't WANT to do this next part but I would like to gather more info/pricing on IUI and inform myself about the procedure.
A: Cost of meds would be the same for me, free because we would use Femara and insurance covers it. Cost of IUI is $300 and includes ultrasound to monitor for follicles, semen analysis (SA) (since they have to spin it to get JUST the swimmers) and insemination. It's still not something "I" personally want to do, but was nice to still have the info.
Q: Ways to boost estrogen naturally so ovulation will happen and alleviate symptoms of low estrogen?
A: He doesn't feel that my issue is low estrogen, but instead unopposed estrogen. (If you are not familiar with this I recommend googling Dr John Lee and the Shutdown, AMAZING info) Which is still going along with what I have been learning or have read about needing progesterone to balance the unopposed estrogen. Which then lead me to picking his brain as to WHY I ovulate when on natural progesterone cream. He said almost WORD FOR WORD the same thing as that pompous ass Reproductive Endocrinologist who told me that NPC would do NOTHING for ovulation, instead it would suppress it. (see Why are some doctors so damn smug) I told him I don't know how or why, and I just might be a freak of nature, but I have 5 different cycles of NPC use that has resulted in ovulation. He is as stumped as the rest of us.
I think that was it. I'm happy that birth control pills weren't just shoved at me. I was listened to, engaged in conversation with and felt like I was heard and didn't feel rushed at all. This doc is a keeper! ;)
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Revisiting Top Things to NOT Say To Someone Who Is Struggling With Secondary Infertility
This is a compilation of phrases that I have heard over the years of struggling and I really wish at at times I could post a banner of What NOT to Say to Someone Who is Struggling with Secondary Infertility.
I have decided to revisit this post just as a reminder to those at there who are providing support for a loved one or friend with Secondary Infertility. I have also decided to add a recent one that I feel should make this list.
A couple more have recently made the list and I feel it is important for them to be recognized.
A general good idea if you have no issues getting pregnant would be to NOT publicly offer up an oops baby to someone who is struggling with infertility, secondary or not. If it is meant as a joke, you may need to re-evaluate your humor because I can guarantee you the one struggling will see absolutely NO humor in it.
Unless you plan on becoming a surrogate for the person struggling with infertility (again secondary or primary) do not wish your fertility upon someone who is struggling with their own. It only feels like a slap in the face and does nothing to help the situation.
A couple more have recently made the list and I feel it is important for them to be recognized.
A general good idea if you have no issues getting pregnant would be to NOT publicly offer up an oops baby to someone who is struggling with infertility, secondary or not. If it is meant as a joke, you may need to re-evaluate your humor because I can guarantee you the one struggling will see absolutely NO humor in it.
Unless you plan on becoming a surrogate for the person struggling with infertility (again secondary or primary) do not wish your fertility upon someone who is struggling with their own. It only feels like a slap in the face and does nothing to help the situation.
"At least you have two healthy children... be grateful." - This statement brings out all kinds of emotions in me. First off, I interpret this statement as this person feels that I am NOT grateful for my girls. Anyone who knows me and my mothering to my daughters will know that I AM forever grateful. I realize I am BLESSED to have had not one, but two opportunities at being pregnant and birthing and raising children. I get it!! I think that is part of what makes the pain worse is that you KNOW it is possible for your body to do it, it's done it before. Why is it being so difficult now? In MY opinion and experience, this statement is usually said by someone who is struggling with Primary Infertility, and cannot begin to fathom MY magnitude of pain and grief, as I am not able to begin to understand the magnitude of hers either. Nonetheless, it hurts like hell to be told that. My advice, DON'T say that to anyone struggling with Secondary Infertility, you will do nothing for that persons morale, but you WILL succeed in making that person hate you!
"Don't worry, it'll happen when the time is right." ~ Are you kidding me? The time is right right now!
"Everything happens for a reason." ~ Really? What is the reason that I have been struggling for so long for? Is there really a reason behind that one?
"Don't stress." ~ I seriously want to do some major bodily harm when I hear that one. Ok, yeah.....sure.
"I got pregnant on my first try." ~ Well good for you, not all of us are that lucky. But thanks for rubbing it in.
"I did ________________ to get PG, Maybe you should try ____________." ~ Yeah, cause I hadn't tried that trick yet.
"You're trying to hard." ~ Well, judging by my history, I'm not just gonna fall pregnant!
Had to add this one as this was actually told to me just last night. (12/16) after a vent I posted on what is supposed to be a support site for women strugggling to conceive. I posted (see post I'm Tired...) and actually recieved this response:
"did she say CHILDREN? She has babies and is complaining"? Just because I have 2 children already does not make my pain any less then someone who is struggling for one. I have pain and heartache as well. I know what it feels like to have that want, that you want more then anything in the world, and it always being out of your reach. I get it! Albeit, it may not be the same heartache as someone who is struggling for one, but it is still painful. It is even more painful to reach out on a place that is supposed to be supportive and receive that type of message. Thanks for the support lady!
Had to add this one as this was actually told to me just last night. (12/16) after a vent I posted on what is supposed to be a support site for women strugggling to conceive. I posted (see post I'm Tired...) and actually recieved this response:
"did she say CHILDREN? She has babies and is complaining"? Just because I have 2 children already does not make my pain any less then someone who is struggling for one. I have pain and heartache as well. I know what it feels like to have that want, that you want more then anything in the world, and it always being out of your reach. I get it! Albeit, it may not be the same heartache as someone who is struggling for one, but it is still painful. It is even more painful to reach out on a place that is supposed to be supportive and receive that type of message. Thanks for the support lady!
The following are ones I have gathered from other women who also are struggling with secondary infertility. (meaning, they had one child just fine, and now are struggling to have another) I have left the names out as to respect their privacy.
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"So, what's the deal? No siblings for XXXX...that's so mean, every boy needs a brother!" -This one made me so sad.
"I bet it's because you are a vegetarian, that's why you can't get pregnant" -Oh Please!
"What are you going to do with that other bedroom now that you know you aren't having more kids" - what, like you want to rent it out? F off!
"I bet it's because you are a vegetarian, that's why you can't get pregnant" -Oh Please!
"What are you going to do with that other bedroom now that you know you aren't having more kids" - what, like you want to rent it out? F off!
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"We're pregnant again!!!" announced by my cousin's wife pregnant with her 4th child (1st was born a few months before DS) AT MY BIRTHDAY PARTY.
"I just don't understand the big deal - all the OTHER kids in this class have siblings." when they were asked to write a story about their brother/sister in Kindergarten. He was told he could write about his dog after he told the teacher he didn't have one.
Random fertility articles left on my doorstep - like I don't already realize I'm the town freak with only ONE kid.
"So, have you given up yet?" Uh...no...
"Why did you buy a 6 bedroom house if you only have 1 kid?" Umm....we ARE still planning for more....
"What are you waiting for???" My typical answer is "God."
and my personal favorite...
"How can you possibly homeschool when you only have one child????" Umm...probably more adequately than YOU!!!!
"I just don't understand the big deal - all the OTHER kids in this class have siblings." when they were asked to write a story about their brother/sister in Kindergarten. He was told he could write about his dog after he told the teacher he didn't have one.
Random fertility articles left on my doorstep - like I don't already realize I'm the town freak with only ONE kid.
"So, have you given up yet?" Uh...no...
"Why did you buy a 6 bedroom house if you only have 1 kid?" Umm....we ARE still planning for more....
"What are you waiting for???" My typical answer is "God."
and my personal favorite...
"How can you possibly homeschool when you only have one child????" Umm...probably more adequately than YOU!!!!
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"Can't you just not think of them as babies yet?" Referring to my MC babies (from my brother!)
"Just relax and it will happen"
"There must have been something wrong with the babies, so you are better off losing them"
"Don't try so hard"
"My husband just looks at me and I get pregnant"
"God has a plan for you"
"The baby you end up with will be the one you are meant to have" (not a mean statement, but it doesn't really help)
"Can't you just not think of them as babies yet?" Referring to my MC babies (from my brother!)
"Just relax and it will happen"
"There must have been something wrong with the babies, so you are better off losing them"
"Don't try so hard"
"My husband just looks at me and I get pregnant"
"God has a plan for you"
"The baby you end up with will be the one you are meant to have" (not a mean statement, but it doesn't really help)
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The worst thing I think I have ever heard came from the mouth of a seasoned OR Nurse...I had lost my 2nd at nearly 4+ months (heart malformation) and was giving pills to induce a m/c at home...after being a shut in in my own home for 3 days (waiting for the m/c) my Drs finally scheduled a D&C a week later. It was horrible waiting, looking slighty pregnant and obviously wanting the healing to begin...the D&C was unsuccessful and I had to go in for another a few days later...As the nurse was preping me for surgery, I started to cry. She sighed loudly and said "Why are you crying"...I shrugged and said "I am sad"...she said "It's a routine surgery, it's not like they left an ARM in there or anything!" My mouth just gaped open, I had no response. To this day I think about that cold hearted statement and cringe. Awful thing is, she continued to tell me about her healthy children and how one day, when it was meant, I would be a mother too...awful woman.
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Many people seem to attribute infertility with stress. "try not to think about it/relax" has been said more times than I can count. My sister thought that I should "have a few drinks to relax around THAT time". My dad suggested Valium because apparently, that's how I was conceived. My MIL said not to worry, it took her 9 months to conceive (i.e. #2 and #3 are 18mo apart).
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"Oh you do not know how it is, you do not have kids"
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"Maybe you just tested too early"
Said to us right after our MC, when they found out they were pregnant... "don't tell them our names, they might steal them!"
"no don't worry, we're pregnant first"
Right after my 2nd MC...
"I've had 2 MC also, don't worry 3rd time's a charm!"
Said to us right after our MC, when they found out they were pregnant... "don't tell them our names, they might steal them!"
"no don't worry, we're pregnant first"
Right after my 2nd MC...
"I've had 2 MC also, don't worry 3rd time's a charm!"
And on a somewhat related note, when I told a coworker I was pregnant (she knew about my 2 other MCs), the first thing she asked was "was it planned?" before giving a "congrats"
I don't get that one at all! We had clearly been trying for a long time.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
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