Courage

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." ~Winston Churchill

 

 

Ch-ch-changes

May is a month for all sorts of changes for me and my blog. My blog got a refreshing update yesterday and today a Facebook page. I figure this way I can openly share all I want to share without others feeling like I am shoving my infertility crap in their face. This way others can choose to read about it, or pass it on by.

Be on the look out for more changes coming soon! A little birdie told me there will be some giveaways in the near future!

Castor Oil Packs

There's not much going on with me right now cycle wise, so I thought I would share some information in regards to Castor Oil Packs. I am on day 2 of Prometrium to end this cycle and move onto a new one. While on the Prometrium, I am doing every other day castor oil packs until I am through with the Prometrium. While I am typing, I am currently doing a castor oil treatment. So damn relaxing!!

So, what is a castor oil pack? Most have heard of taking Castor oil internally as a way to induce labor but this is completely different. In TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine or Eastern medicine) castor oil packs can be used to improve blood flow, oxygen and detox the internal organs. It is a great detoxifier for the liver, removing excess hormones that get stored in the liver. For women with PCOS and polycystic ovaries, castor oil packs can be used to help rid the cysts. Lately I have been experiencing rupturing cysts which has to be one of the most painful things I have yet to experience. (my pain threshold is quite high and even this was unbearable for me.) This is the reason for myself returning to the Castor Oil packs. I will be doing one last hoorah round of Femara in a few months and I want to do everything I can to reduce my chance of hyperstimulating again. By ridding my body of the immature follicles, aka cysts, there will be less of a chance that all of the immature follicles will respond to the stimulation and cause me excruciating pain.

There is plenty of information on the web regarding Castor Oil packs, their uses and precautions. Below is some information regarding castor oil packs and their uses.

http://www.ovarian-cysts-pcos.com/castor-oil.html 

Castor Oil Packs and Ovarian Cysts

The castor bean has been well known as a cathartic, or strong laxative. However, it is no longer recommended as a laxative, due to its toxic effects if taken internally.

Castor bean oil has been used externally for centuries as a natural therapy. The Edgar Cayce Readings inform us that castor oil packs are to be used to improve assimilation, elimination and circulation, especially of the lymphatic system.

Castor oil appears to have a unique ability to sink transdermally (through the skin) to relax smooth muscle. This simple mechanical action has a beneficial influence on all hollow organs, specifically the blood and lymph vessels, the uterus, fallopian tubes, bowels, gall bladder, and even the liver (which is not hollow but is filled with venous lakes).

A castor oil pack is placed on the skin to increase circulation and to promote elimination and healing of the tissues and organs underneath the skin. It is often used to stimulate the liver, relieve pain, increase lymphatic circulation, reduce inflammation, and improve digestion.

Castor oil packs have many applications, and are specific in cases of uterine fibroids and ovarian cysts that are not cancerous. Packs also relieve ovarian pain or help with healing after a ruptured ovarian cyst. Other conditions that respond to castor oil packs include headaches, liver disorders, constipation, intestinal disorders, gallbladder inflammation or stones, and conditions with poor elimination.

Castor oil application increases the efficiency of circulation through your pelvis in general. Good circulation is required for supportive nutrients to be delivered to the cells, and for waste products and inflammatory factors to be removed. If a castor oil pack is placed over your liver area, it will help your liver to do its work more efficiently, including the metabolism of your hormones.

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Precautions

Do not use a heated castor oil pack for uterine growths, cancer tumors, or ulcers. Don't use if you are pregnant, breast feeding, or menstruating. Don't apply over broken skin.

Castor Oil Pack Components

• Castor oil.
• Two sheets of plastic (garbage bags OK).
• 1 yard cotton or wool flannel.
• Heating pad (if indicated).
• Large old bath towel.
• 3 safety pins.

Preparing a Castor Oil Pack

1. Fold flannel into three thicknesses to fit over your whole abdomen.

2. Cut a piece of plastic 1-2 inches larger than flannel.

3. Saturate the flannel with gently heated oil, but not so much that it is drippy. Fold it over and squeeze until it is oozing. Unfold.

4. Place plastic and old towel over flannel to prevent staining of surface you will be lying on.

5. Lie down, placing flannel over abdomen, putting fitted plastic over the flannel.

6. Now wrap the towel under you, around your torso and pin with safety pins.

7. Place a heating pad (low heat) or hot water bottle on top of the towel.

8. Rest for 30-60 minutes. Use visualization, meditation, or just sleep. A good time to use castor oil packs is just before bedtime.

9. When finished, it's best if you don't get up and walk around and be busy (except to go to the bathroom). Try to stay still and relaxed.

If you are doing your pack at bedtime, have a zip-lock baggie next to your bed, and a towel to remove any excess oil and protect your bed sheets. Fold the oily pack up and put it into the baggie, then drop it to the floor till morning. In the morning, put it in the refrigerator.

If you are not using the pack at bedtime, you can get up and wash the treated area with solution of 3 tablespoons of baking soda to 1 quart of water to remove the oil. Put the pack into the refrigerator.

11. Store the pack in the covered container or baggie in the refrigerator. Remove it from the refrigerator 1-3 hours before you plan to use it, so that it is at room temperature when you are ready to use it.

12. Each pack may be used repeatedly. When it starts to smell stale, make a new pack.

Note: If this procedure is way too complicated for you, apply a generous amount of castor oil to the skin of your abdomen. Cover that with an old cotton t-shirt or other cloth you won’t mind eventually discarding. Lay your heat source (hot water bottle, heating pad) on top of that. Keep the cloth you use to protect your heat source from the oil to reuse. Eventually it will smell like stale oil, but can be kept for a few weeks at least in a plastic bag. Rest for 3-60 minutes. Stay covered and warm so you can relax. Have a soft cloth or rag handy to catch any oil dripping off your body. You may want to put a towel or plastic underneath your body so your bed doesn't get oily. It's not necessary to have a castor oil pack that you keep in the refrigerator. Just do what works for you.

Frequency of Use

To be effective, a castor oil pack must be used at least 3 times a week, although 5 times a week is better. In cases of long-term chronic pain, it works best to commit to a 6 week treatment period using a castor oil pack 5 times per week, then as needed for episodes of pain.

It's wise to consult with a naturopathic physician for the best frequency of treatment for your specific health problem.

A Little Inspiration

Enough said. This quote is what has kept me going and persevering throughout my journey. The quote alone helps to feed my hope, even when others around me want me to be done.

April 2012 Update

A lot has taken place since my last post, almost everything BUT ovulation. HA! In a nutshell, Vitamin D course of treatment is complete, follow up blood work came back at 45. That is fantastic as levels need to be between 30-100. Good there. I also got to experience another cyst rupture followed by extremely heavy bleeding just last week. An ultrasound was done to confirm a cyst rupture, not a follicle. I had a follow up appointment today for the cyst rupture and below were the list of questions I had for my OB.

Q: What are we going to do about my recurring rupturing cysts? CAN anything be done?

A: Birth Control Pills (BCP's) would be his first course of action for somebody who is not trying to conceive. Being I am trying, we're doing nothing about the cysts. My body will rupture them and handle them on their own, but short of BCP's, there's nothing that CAN be done.

Q: What can we do to manage my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome? (PCOS) Anymore testing that would help to get PCOS under control? Ie., repeat PCOS lab work up, check Insulin resistance, etc.

A: He doesn't feel anymore testing would change the course of action. Managing PCOS for me at this stage of trying to conceive would leave me with few options. (back to the BCP thing) Testing for insulin resistance would not change his course of action, which would be Glucophage, aka Metformin. We already went that route with me and know that my body at any dose, does not tolerate it well. So that is not an option. I am going to do an at home A1C test that I can mail off to show me my average sugar levels for the last 6 months.

Q: Can I get a standing order for Prometrium to induce bleeds?

A: Absolutely! Order will be as follows. I am to take 10 day course of 200mg Prometrium every other month, on odd months. So starting May 1st, 10 day course of Prometrium. Have a bleed. We will sit 60 days out, if no ovulation, then another round of Prometrium. He is hoping opposing the estrogen with Prometrium will get me to ovulate. We'll see. Unlimited refills so I don't have to call every time I need a bleed. Fricking yeehaw!!!!!!

Q: Would he be willing to let me try one more cycle of Femara?

A: HE actually brought it up to me! I ♥ my doctor!!! Yes, he is more then willing to let me go ONE more cycle of Femara, even with my hyperstimulation/cyst history. Although, there is a catch. He first wants me to try 2 cycles of bringing on a bleed with Prometrium (so still 4 months out??) before we do another round of Femara. Why? He wants to see if I can oppose the estrogen with Prometrium and make myself ovulate on my own. How fricking cool is that, that my dr is on board with this????? Absolutely amazing to me! Amazing!

Q: I don't WANT to do this next part but I would like to gather more info/pricing on IUI and inform myself about the procedure.

A: Cost of meds would be the same for me, free because we would use Femara and insurance covers it. Cost of IUI is $300 and includes ultrasound to monitor for follicles, semen analysis (SA) (since they have to spin it to get JUST the swimmers) and insemination. It's still not something "I" personally want to do, but was nice to still have the info.

Q: Ways to boost estrogen naturally so ovulation will happen and alleviate symptoms of low estrogen?

A: He doesn't feel that my issue is low estrogen, but instead unopposed estrogen. (If you are not familiar with this I recommend googling Dr John Lee and the Shutdown, AMAZING info) Which is still going along with what I have been learning or have read about needing progesterone to balance the unopposed estrogen. Which then lead me to picking his brain as to WHY I ovulate when on natural progesterone cream. He said almost WORD FOR WORD the same thing as that pompous ass Reproductive Endocrinologist who told me that NPC would do NOTHING for ovulation, instead it would suppress it. (see Why are some doctors so damn smug) I told him I don't know how or why, and I just might be a freak of nature, but I have 5 different cycles of NPC use that has resulted in ovulation. He is as stumped as the rest of us.

I think that was it. I'm happy that birth control pills weren't just shoved at me. I was listened to, engaged in conversation with and felt like I was heard and didn't feel rushed at all. This doc is a keeper! ;)

Revisiting Top Things to NOT Say To Someone Who Is Struggling With Secondary Infertility

This is a compilation of phrases that I have heard over the years of struggling and I really wish at at times I could post a banner of What NOT to Say to Someone Who is Struggling with Secondary Infertility. 

I have decided to revisit this post just as a reminder to those at there who are providing support for a loved one or friend with Secondary Infertility. I have also decided to add a recent one that I feel should make this list.

A couple more have recently made the list and I feel it is important for them to be recognized.
 
A general good idea if you have no issues getting pregnant would be to NOT publicly offer up an oops baby to someone who is struggling with infertility, secondary or not. If it is meant as a joke, you may need to re-evaluate your humor because I can guarantee you the one struggling will see absolutely NO humor in it.

Unless you plan on becoming a surrogate for the person struggling with infertility (again secondary or primary) do not wish your fertility upon someone who is struggling with their own. It only feels like a slap in the face and does nothing to help the situation.

 

"At least you have two healthy children... be grateful." - This statement brings out all kinds of emotions in me. First off, I interpret this statement as this person feels that I am NOT grateful for my girls. Anyone who knows me and my mothering to my daughters will know that I AM forever grateful. I realize I am BLESSED to have had not one, but two opportunities at being pregnant and birthing and raising children. I get it!! I think that is part of what makes the pain worse is that you KNOW it is possible for your body to do it, it's done it before. Why is it being so difficult now? In MY opinion and experience, this statement is usually said by someone who is struggling with Primary Infertility, and cannot begin to fathom MY magnitude of pain and grief, as I am not able to begin to understand the magnitude of hers either. Nonetheless, it hurts like hell to be told that. My advice, DON'T say that to anyone struggling with Secondary Infertility, you will do nothing for that persons morale, but you WILL succeed in making that person hate you!

"Don't worry, it'll happen when the time is right." ~ Are you kidding me? The time is right right now!

"Everything happens for a reason." ~ Really? What is the reason that I have been struggling for so long for? Is there really a reason behind that one?

"Don't stress." ~ I seriously want to do some major bodily harm when I hear that one. Ok, yeah.....sure.

"I got pregnant on my first try." ~ Well good for you, not all of us are that lucky. But thanks for rubbing it in.

"I did ________________ to get PG, Maybe you should try ____________." ~ Yeah, cause I hadn't tried that trick yet.

"You're trying to hard." ~ Well, judging by my history, I'm not just gonna fall pregnant!

Had to add this one as this was actually told to me just last night. (12/16)  after a vent I posted on what is supposed to be a support site for women strugggling to conceive. I posted (see post I'm Tired...) and actually recieved this response:

"did she say CHILDREN?  She has babies and is complaining"? Just because I have 2 children already does not make my pain any less then someone who is struggling for one. I have pain and heartache as well. I know what it feels like to have that want, that you want more then anything in the world, and it always being out of your reach. I get it! Albeit, it may not be the same heartache as someone who is struggling for one, but it is still painful. It is even more painful to reach out on a place that is supposed to be supportive and receive that type of message. Thanks for the support lady!

The following are ones I have gathered from other women who also are struggling with secondary infertility. (meaning, they had one child just fine, and now are struggling to have another) I have left the names out as to respect their privacy.

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"So, what's the deal? No siblings for XXXX...that's so mean, every boy needs a brother!" -This one made me so sad.

"I bet it's because you are a vegetarian, that's why you can't get pregnant" -Oh Please!

"What are you going to do with that other bedroom now that you know you aren't having more kids" - what, like you want to rent it out? F off!

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"We're pregnant again!!!" announced by my cousin's wife pregnant with her 4th child (1st was born a few months before DS) AT MY BIRTHDAY PARTY.

"I just don't understand the big deal - all the OTHER kids in this class have siblings." when they were asked to write a story about their brother/sister in Kindergarten. He was told he could write about his dog after he told the teacher he didn't have one.

Random fertility articles left on my doorstep - like I don't already realize I'm the town freak with only ONE kid.

"So, have you given up yet?" Uh...no...

"Why did you buy a 6 bedroom house if you only have 1 kid?" Umm....we ARE still planning for more....

"What are you waiting for???" My typical answer is "God."

and my personal favorite...

"How can you possibly homeschool when you only have one child????" Umm...probably more adequately than YOU!!!!

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"Can't you just not think of them as babies yet?" Referring to my MC babies (from my brother!)

"Just relax and it will happen"

"There must have been something wrong with the babies, so you are better off losing them"

"Don't try so hard"

"My husband just looks at me and I get pregnant"

"God has a plan for you"

"The baby you end up with will be the one you are meant to have" (not a mean statement, but it doesn't really help)

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The worst thing I think I have ever heard came from the mouth of a seasoned OR Nurse...I had lost my 2nd at nearly 4+ months (heart malformation) and was giving pills to induce a m/c at home...after being a shut in in my own home for 3 days (waiting for the m/c) my Drs finally scheduled a D&C a week later. It was horrible waiting, looking slighty pregnant and obviously wanting the healing to begin...the D&C was unsuccessful and I had to go in for another a few days later...As the nurse was preping me for surgery, I started to cry. She sighed loudly and said "Why are you crying"...I shrugged and said "I am sad"...she said "It's a routine surgery, it's not like they left an ARM in there or anything!" My mouth just gaped open, I had no response. To this day I think about that cold hearted statement and cringe. Awful thing is, she continued to tell me about her healthy children and how one day, when it was meant, I would be a mother too...awful woman.

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Many people seem to attribute infertility with stress. "try not to think about it/relax" has been said more times than I can count. My sister thought that I should "have a few drinks to relax around THAT time". My dad suggested Valium because apparently, that's how I was conceived. My MIL said not to worry, it took her 9 months to conceive (i.e. #2 and #3 are 18mo apart).

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"Oh you do not know how it is, you do not have kids"

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"Maybe you just tested too early"

Said to us right after our MC, when they found out they were pregnant... "don't tell them our names, they might steal them!"
"no don't worry, we're pregnant first"

Right after my 2nd MC...
"I've had 2 MC also, don't worry 3rd time's a charm!"

And on a somewhat related note, when I told a coworker I was pregnant (she knew about my 2 other MCs), the first thing she asked was "was it planned?" before giving a "congrats"

I don't get that one at all! We had clearly been trying for a long time.

April Fool's Joke-Not So Funny