Operation: Feel Better: Week 2.....Rocked!!

We finally kicked the flu bug in our house, although it lasted far longer for Miss Emma then it did for me. Luckily for our family, that is as far as the flu bug traveled. I am extremely grateful for that! Mood wise I am still not seeing much changes, despite the weekly Vitamin D supplementing. I am having massive mood swings and if you were to see my temp chart, you would see how erratic my temps are, which is a clear indication of what the hormones are doing. Up and down, up and down. For the individual dealing with these severe swings, it is draining, and for the loved ones and people around said individuals dealing with these swings, again draining! Something has gotta change, NOW! So I am back on the hunt for something to mellow out my hormones so I don't feel like there is a monster inside me switching my mood every 20 minutes. One minute it is happy, then mad, then depressed, then back to happy, then to lovey, back to mad, then to needing a ton of affection/attention. My goodness, how can this NOT be exhausting?? 

My sanity reached a breaking point last weekend and for the sake of myself and everyone around me, I planned a "Mom's day of running away." I started off with a lunch date with a friend, whom I haven't seen or spent one-on-one time with in a long time! We went to our usual favorite restaurant and filled each other in on what we have missed over the months. It was great to have some adult conversation. Instead of going home after lunch I took myself to Barnes and Nobles for a mocha, by myself! I also took a few minutes to just browse books, something I would not have been able to do had I had my children with me. 

Next stop, Bath and Body Works! I had coupons and I LOVE everything about Bath and Body Works. It is like aroma sensory overload at times but scents have a calming affect on me. It was past time to soak up all the calming I can get. And that I did! It was very nice just being able to browse and sniff all there was to sniff without someone rushing me out the door or tugging on my britches to inform me that an emergency potty break is in order. I spent far more then I normally would have on myself, but if you add up all the years where I have neglected myself, I figured I was making up for lost time. I am in love with the Aromatherapy line and now have all they offer, with my favorite scent being Orange Ginger. Mmmmm, yummy. And when I find myself getting pissed at the world or needing a moment of escape a few spritz of that spray takes me there. 

Last but not least, a stop in at Victoria's Secret! Again I had coupons galore and had every intention on browsing and taking my time. I even approached a customer service gal for a bra fitting. Ahhhh! Anyone who knows me knows this is completely out of character for me as I tend to avoid ALL associates at all costs. Although, I felt like a princess when all the energy and attention was devoted to me, in finding the right size, right fit, and right style of bra. I can honestly say, that was a first ever experience for me. It was fantastic and I walked away again spending far more on myself then I normally would have, BUT I got 2 gorgeous and properly fitting bras, a free pair of panties and 2 mystery amount Gift Cards that I find out there value on the 1st. So what does that mean? Why another solo trip to Victoria's Secret, of course!!! 

What was the cherry on top for this week? Remember my friend Maria over at Life, Loss and Other Things and the OvaCue giveaway she was doing? Well guess who won one of the monitors? Yep, that would be ME!!! I am beyond stoked, but there are some bittersweet feelings that come with this win. Since I don't ovulate on my own, this monitor is only going to tell me what I already know, I don't ovulate. LOL I do have to say though, winning this monitor has now given me that small glimmer of hope and perseverance again. Since I am already on the search for something to help mellow my hormones, ovulation may just be a great potential side effect and having this monitor will show me far more then my thermometer ever could. 

Operation: Feel Better: Week 1.....Sucked!

This never fails. I set some new plans/goals for myself and something happens, usually LIFE, that sweeps those plans out from under my feet. This time it was a stomach bug. First Miss Emma, (my youngest daughter) came down with it, so all of my time went to mothering her and making sure she was well taken care of. Remember how I said exercising can be nixed with even the slightest of excuses? Well yep, this time was no different. And being that I was caring for a sick child, so did my massage and solo shopping spree plans. Then no sooner did she get on the mend, did I catch it. So, of course, NO working out was to be had when I called in sick to work, and spent a full day in bed, while recouping the next day. Week 2 HAS to go better, although hubby was complaining of an upset sour stomach just last night. I have a feeling this is not going to be the end of this stomach bug or the beginning of getting back on track to making myself feel better. Still gonna give it my all though.

Awesome OvaCue Giveaway!!!

There is a great giveaway going on over at Life, Loss, and Other Things and The Tater Twins where they are giving away not one but TWO Ovacue Fertility Monitors. This is an exciting little gadget in the trying to conceive world since it can be used by people with all conditions, including PCOS like myself and can technically be used for both trying or avoiding. They are doing a fantastic giveaway in which two winners will be picked. The cool part is when you enter the email address of who referred you, if YOU are picked as a winner, the person who refers you also wins one. How cool is that? So just enter LJEANH27@MSN.COM when prompted and get yourself entered! The entries are super easy and take about 5 minutes to do. Even if you are not interested you could always enter and help increase my chances of winning myself one. Thanks to all and good luck!

Direct link to giveaway:  http://lifelossandotherthings.blogspot.com/2012/03/giveaway-ovacue-fertility-monitor-with.html

Operation: Feel Better

Let me start off by saying I hate being in a funk, just simply hate it. My personality is usually bubbly, happy go lucky, you know the type you just wanna punch sometimes because they are TOO happy? Well that is NOT me these days. I find myself dragging during the day, not wanting to do things that I used to love to do and frankly just want to spend all of my time in bed. If only, right? I DO have two children after all that need their momma so that is not an option. It sure doesn't change how I feel though.

I decided enough is enough and it is time for a change. Not having a trying to conceive game plan anymore sure leaves a whole lot of time for thinking. And no, I'm not doing the dwelling on it, woe is me, type of thinking. These moments of thought usually result in great things. So even though my situation sucks and my journey of expanding our family is dwindling down and coming to and end, there WILL be positives coming from this.

First things first, this momma needs to start taking care of herself. For real! I have always heard A Happy Mom is a Happy Home. I'm starting to believe it so I plan on putting this to the test. So I am now focusing on ME and what makes ME happy. First plan of attack is to treat myself to one nice thing a week. It can be as simple as taking the time to paint my nails or reading a book that I enjoy, instead of a children's book. Or, taking my mocha outside in the morning and watching the sunrise in complete silence. 

The next thing I want to do is focus on my health and body. If I can't get pregnant I might as well get myself in the best tip top shape I can be and be the hottest momma in town. ;) I fell out of my very good work out groove I was in when I was forced to sit out from working out. Getting back into a consecutive daily routine has been tough and I can find the simplest of excuses to make myself NOT work out. So goal #2, work out DAILY, 7:20am sharp, no excuses. 

My next plan of attack in helping myself feel better is I am splurging on ME and only me. I am one of those people who puts myself last. If I get birthday money, it usually gets spent on somebody else, with the plan that I will replace that money and spend it on me. Nope, never happens. I am going to make it happen. As much of a coupon frugal freak I am, I am actually going to bite the bullet and go shopping for myself, at Victoria's Secret. There's no way I can buy for somebody else there! Ha. But no worries, I have my coupons for my free panties and coupons for money off bras, and I plan on using every one of them. ;)

Day 1 of Operation: Feel Better. Wake up at 4:30am (while the girls are still asleep) make myself a mocha, set up the foot soaker/massager with my new aromatherapy Lavender/Chamomile salts, (that I bought for myself yesterday while at the store!!) turn off all sounds and RELAX.

Day 1, done!

Enough Said

*Sigh....an update

First things first, Femara cycle #2 did not result in pregnancy but it did help me to ovulate, and hyperstimulate. I started feeling better halfway through my luteal phase which was my first indication that this would be another busted cycle. I was starting to actually come to terms with my mandated cycle break and was looking forward to a month off.

I felt myself starting to get down and usually can find some activities/hobbies to help me out of my funk. Day after day, I felt weepy and just generally like there was a black cloud hanging over my head. I decided to call my OB/GYN and have him run a Vitamin D level blood draw to see where my levels were at, knowing that a deficiency can play a part in depression. Ob had no issues running it and just as I suspected my levels were low. Low end of normal is 30 and my levels were a whopping 17. I was instructed to start taking 2000iu/day until my OB got back in town to give me proper dosage. So now add that to the mix of my body's malfunctions....(in order of diagnosis) Endometriosis, PCOS, Septate Uterus, and now Vitamin D Deficiency. I'm not asking what's next!

Which is apparently a good thing I didn't ask what's next because I got that answer anyways. My Ob had a chance to look over my charts I faxed in and indeed I am ovulating on the Femara, but he is not willing to prescribe it long term. The next step is to schedule a fertility appointment to discuss our options of pursuing further testing or IUI/IVF. Hubby and I have our views/opinions on Assisted Reproductive Technology and have decided that it is not an option for us. This now leaves us either looking into WHY we are not getting pregnant despite the meds making me ovulate or nothing. The appointment alone would be billed as fertility and as most know in this game, if it has ANYTHING to do with fertility, you are footing the whole bill, insurance won't cover a dime. In addition, the further tests would also be out of pocket expenses. My Ob has decided that he is not willing to prescribe anymore fertility meds without discussing our options and the options that we are now facing, are not even an option for us.

I did also receive a call from my primary dr who was sent the results from my Vit D and I was given a prescription for 50,000iu Vitamin D to be taken once a week for 6 weeks then resume OTC Vitamin D supplements. I am hoping that once we get my levels up where they should be that my body starts ovulating on its own, as at this point, that is going to be my only hope and chance for expanding our family.

As much as I was looking forward to this much needed break, the news of my dr assisted journey coming to an end has me heartbroken.

O me, O my, O WHAT?!?

Time for that update. I am currently on cycle day 21 with ovulation having taken place on cycle day 15. Now leading up to ovulation I had some mild discomfort that I just chalked up to having to do with ovulation. It was uncomfortable to sit, I would feel internal pressure when I sat and was just mildly uncomfortable. Days leading up to ovulation it got worse and the 'heavy' feeling got more prominent. 2 days after ovulation I was dying in pain, it hurt so much. At this point the heavy feeling became so much. It seriously felt like I was smuggling a 10 pound bowling ball in my uterus and ANY movement H.U.R.T!!!! I laid in bed all day, only to get up to work out, which about made me puke because of the intense pain I was in and all of the jostling around. After my workout, I went right back to bed where I stayed all day. This is completely out of the norm for me. The next day I called my dr and told them how I was feeling and asked if this was normal. I was concerned about the chances of it being Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome, in which the meds work a little too well and overproduce follicle/eggs. With me having PCOS and having tons of immature follicles on my ovaries as it is, it generally doesn't take much stimulation to wake them up. And waking them up it exactly what it did! The nurse also agreed with me in that it did sound like Hyperstimulation and dr wanted me to come in for an ultrasound the next morning to confirm.

Ultrasound went well, as well as a vaginal ultrasound can go when one is in intense pain in that region!! The tech told me it appeared that I had a cyst rupture as there was a "large black hole" on my left ovary. Now knowing I had just ovulated I asked if that could be the corpus luteum cyst that is supposed to be there, since I just ovulated. Well yes sure that is a possibility. This was my first clue that maybe it wasn't a ruptured cyst after all. I got to see all of my insides, my abnormal uterus both horns and all, my polycystic ovaries, swollen and all. Yep looked to me the same as the last time I saw them.

Yesterday I finally got the results back from my ultrasound. Definite mild Ovarian HyperStimulation Syndrome. Crap man!!! So per doctor's orders, pelvic rest, nothing inside the pelvis, no strenuous exercise, and rest as much as I can. I will most likely continue to feel this pain until my period arrives. Or if I am lucky enough to get pregnant this cycle (now THAT would be my luck! Ha!) the OHSS will continue to cause me issues as it won't get a break to calm down, thanks to the pregnancy hormones. I am also to take next cycle off to let my ovaries chill with hopes of some of the follicles resuming normal size. Or what is normal for me anyways. If/when I get another period on my own (I doubt that one!!) then we can decide from there if resuming Femara is right for me. So here I am again, proving statistics wrong as Femara is supposed to have less chances of OHSS then Clomid. 9 cycles on Clomid and I didn't experience this not once. 2nd cycle on Femara and here we are! Oh fun!